Reply to The Hidden Burden on Middle-Class Families in Public Schools

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There’s something I’ve noticed more clearly as my kids get older — especially in progressive or urban public school spaces — and I wonder if others feel it too.

There’s this quiet but powerful expectation that middle- and upper-middle-class families (especially with “easy” kids) have a social obligation to stay in the public system. That we should “share space” with higher-needs peers — not just in theory, but in the actual experience of the classroom: absorbing disruptions, lowered expectations, limited differentiation, and the constant shifting of instructional time toward emotional or behavioral management.

The message isn’t always explicit, but it’s there: If you leave, you’re abandoning equity. If you stay, your child’s stability is the price you pay.

Meanwhile, families who are truly wealthy — who can afford $45K+/year private schools without blinking — face no such guilt. They opt out completely, and no one expects them to justify it. But the “responsibility” of sticking it out seems to land squarely on the shoulders of those who are just well off enough to have options, but not wealthy enough to float above the system entirely.

Of course high-needs students deserve support. But what often gets lost is that your average, well-behaved, academically prepared child also deserves to learn in peace, at a steady pace, with teachers who are able to teach — not just manage. And when that kind of classroom becomes rare, families like mine are left with a false choice: stay and sacrifice growth, or leave and be labeled selfish.

At some point, I stopped feeling guilty for choosing clarity, structure, and consistency — even if that means looking outside the traditional public system.[/quote]

I think that if you truly stopped feeling guilty, you wouldn’t have started a thread like this. Perhaps you should ask to talk about this issue the next time you meet with your therapist.

As for general expectation, yes, there are a few that try to convince others to stay for purely equity reasons, but most parents I know choose what’s best for their child, and most support that idea.

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