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[quote=Anonymous]I’ve been in your shoes and for a couple of weeks just keeping nmh act together was a real effort. I lost 10 pounds, couldn’t eat (never happens), had a constant pit in my stomach, couldn’t sleep…. I’m sure you know the feeling. But, with time (and being separated and barely speaking) it gave me the space to step back and look at my marriage through a different and more detached lenses. I ended up realizing that i felt really relieved during the separation and in those first couple months i went from feeling blindsided and betrayed to feeling better than i have in years. Of course divorce stinks and is a totally awful time, but the stress of tiptoeing around an a-hole for decades is awful too.

I highly recommend the following:
- personal therapist ASAP
- figure out how to make calls to lawyers without him knowing (work phone, burner app, etc)
- consult at LEAST 3 divorce attorneys
- have a financial plan - do you have a separate bank account?  How would you pay for a lawyer? Make sure you have a credit card that he doesn’t know about 
- loop in a few close friends and family members, you’ll need people to lean on
- start snooping as much as possible to see if there’s an AP involved. Knowledge is power. It sucks, but you need to know[/quote]

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