Reply to If you were an affluent, unmotivated kid

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[quote=Anonymous]Yeah OP - I think we are living in parallel lives with my 15 DS too!  Although he does have ADHD and dyslexia but his academics are great, it's his effort in homework that drags him a whole grade down, ugh.

I don't know the secret sauce but let me know when you find it.

I suspect it's gonna have to be time.  My other kid is all about college and she's only 13.  Drive is something really hard to develop - you either have it or you don't.  I did.  My husband never did.  I did before I had kids however.  Esp in my 20s.  I don't know that I had it in my teens.  I had it more in my late 20s.  You have to somewhat be able to visualize your path and that starts with doing something you really love/well.  For me, I got a taste of career success and I wanted more because success breeds success.  It's the first step that really is the hardest.  Once you get a taste of it, the drive is automatic.

My plan for my son is to do everything I can to continue giving him opportunities.  So for summer (we have a long one in private school), I've set him up for college sleepaway programs exploring subjects he is really interested in.  Maybe it'll click for him, maybe it won't but I'm going to keep trying to help him find that niche he either loves or comes really easy for him and he enjoys it because it's not "work."  It may come this summer, it may come senior year, it may come in his 30s or it may never come.  It's completely out of our control however and I disagree with PP that it's because these are "spoiled" kids who need fear put into them.

If they are failing all their classes, for sure they need to be put in their face.  But if they just have a lack of drive to really do "well" and want for themselves the "best" and be the "best" they can be?  That's because they haven't found a path yet.

There are a lot of people who don't find their calling until they are older, they are called late bloomers I believe.  It's a crapshoot, because some don't ever find it.  But all you can do as a parent is have faith, keep trying to motivate but know that it's really out of your complete control.  And keep in mind, people also fizzle out at any age.  I remember a client in awe of me at age 31 building my business while he was working as Partner in his and how he wished he had my passion again.  But you know now I'm 52 and I would look at myself back then the same way.

People don't change their nature but they certainly change their habits.

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