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[quote=Anonymous]DH and I were talking the other night about how both of our families have dysfunction going back at least several generations, but how differently it impacts people today compared to 50 years ago, and how differently people feel and think about it.

The dysfunction in question is lots of alcohol abuse in both families, mental health issues that largely went undiagnosed, plus trauma -- lot of abuse against kids when they were young (not just spanking but like kids being beaten up by parents and siblings), plus societal traumas like the Great Depression, WWII, and the act of immigrating with no money and to a country where they faced a lot of discrimination.

But there are these stark differences between how our parents' and grandparents' generations handled those issues, and how our generation is handling it.

Our grandparents and parents all stayed very close with their siblings, even the ones with serious issues (like serious alcoholism or mental health issues) and continued to maintain those relationships throughout their entire lives. Our parents still talk to or see their living siblings at least once a week even now in their 70s and 80s. And it's not just about proximity -- my parents live very far from all but one of my dad's siblings and they bridge that gap. My mom visits her sisters on opposite sides of the country at least once a year. My dad visits his brothers all over the country regularly. My MIL is in poor health but maintains relationships with all 5 of her living siblings even the ones who live several states away, by phone and occasional visits. They have their differences but their approach is that family is family and they never cut each other out.

Our generation is a different story. I have a sister who has all but cut off all ties with much of our family. She will take my calls but barely communicates and never reach out. My brothers have not cut me off but never reach out or visit. When we visit them, they seem excited to see us and are welcoming but there's no real effort to maintain those relationships. And it is similar with my DH's brother -- we visit him when we visit MIL and he seems glad to see us but he does nothing to maintain or further those relationships. He's never had us over to his house. With him I speculate it is partly because he's never married and he doesn't have the skills for that kind of thing, but my brothers are both married with kids and I have good relationships with my SILs, but still there's no effort from my brothers. One of my SILs I exchange regular emails and texts with and the other we keep track of each other on social media and send holiday cards and kid's birthday cards. But neither of my brother's ever acknowledges my birthday or my kids birthdays and never initiates contact with me, ever.

I just wonder what changed. A lot of the same issues are present by where my parents and grandparents managed to work through them to maintain family ties, my generation just isn't. I now wonder if I will ever see my siblings after my parents pass -- if things continue as they are, I will only see them if I do all the work to make it happen. It's sad.[/quote]

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