Reply to I haven’t heard anyone express this and I may be alone. Parent’s dementia scenarios are causing me confusion/misremember

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Thanks PPs. What I’m referring to moreso is that it makes [i]me[/i] question if I am remembering the event correctly?

I then spiral into whether I have it correct or if he does. Almost as if I am convinced that his version is accurate even if I know it’s not. My mind is reversing in some manner. Like  I know he’s cognitively impaired but my mind is accepting his version as fact.

This one is more sensitive of an example:

Dad: Jane had two brothers and an abortion four times with four sons she would’ve had sons. 
My mind: I know Jane had no children but is it true? Is this why? It can’t be because they wouldn’t have had gender ultrasounds back then. I then started researching the subject. My mind now always thinks of what if Jane had those abortions and that’s why she had no children.

Sometimes it’s smaller things:

Dad: Judy called me yesterday.
My mind: Did Judy call? Maybe I didn’t realize she had the number. Would she have called? My mind races with thoughts.

I’m not sure how to even describe this. Is this gaslighting myself? 
I hadn’t heard of anyone else experiencing this and I’m not sure if its a form of anxiety, if it’s some type of forming mental incapacitation in me, or absolutely normal? [/quote]

Maybe because he's always been infallible and an authority figure. My dad is really smart and I would be inclined to believe him from habit or instinct... until it's not the case anymore, right? [/quote]

I just don't understand this at all, OP. Honestly. I have dealt for years with my parents' dementia and have never once thought to give a second thought to the things they say, stories they tell, etc. Every now and then my sister will follow up on something odd my mom said with me, and I just tell her the same thing: why are you even asking about this? Maybe I just have too much stress in other areas of my life to give this any energy, but I just can't understand, as I said, even giving these stories the tiniest bit of  head space. Sorry.[/quote]

OP, I 1000% experience this and what's more, many people in my caregiving support group experience the same. It seems especially true in circumstances where: the family of origin had some serious trauma they kept secret; the family has seen cognitive decline for a while but is struggling to accept it; and where the kids are in midlife and may be going through changes themselves in cognition (perimenopause).

I know for myself, I had been dreading my mom's dementia my entire life. And when she got ill, it felt like the experiences I had as a kid where she minimized the abuse I saw (and really made me question what was real). Through therapy, I also realized that it somehow seemed less upsetting if I was losing my mind than if she was.

Hugs. You're not alone. It's common, and with support and time, it will abate.[/quote]

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