Reply to division of labor chart? (not a chore chart, but everything).

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "division of labor chart? (not a chore chart, but everything). "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, I've tried the division of labor thing, and he's totally on board..with the idea. But then it comes time to execute and he does't do it. And then I have to wage this internal war--do I nag or just remain silent?  I will ask 2-3 times over as many weeks and finally realize that the emotional energy I am spending on his NOT doing it, plus not having working heat--is far worse than doing it myself, but then I'm angry because I'm enabling it.

He used to do more--he used to also do the lawn but decided he hated it and preferred to pay someone, which would be fine except we really can't afford it and it's not like he's taking other things on. He also used to deal with the car, but now if I want it semi-clean I have to go in there, remove all the trash, food wrappers, etc,  and vacuum it. My toddler picks up more than he does. The thing is, he's not lazy, but he's just disorganized, and spends more time looking for things than getting ready in the morning, plus he's got addiction to the iPhone issues. 
I agree about my having control issues--I definitely prefer to deal with finances and purchases. In part I am a take charge person.  in part that's because there's a track record of DH really messing up financially because he does not pay attention at all to anything--his paycheck, taxes, lost credit cards, etc--and we've lost a lot of money because of his carelessness.  Where I lose it though is the thoughtlessness about the day to day stuff he is capable of doing-- grocery shopping, cooking a meal or two, picking up after himself. I know he has different standards, but when I went on a business trip for 4 days and came home to all the mail on the floor because he didn't pick it up to put it on the hallway table that is 6 inches from the mailslot and a pile of dirty kids clothes on the floor of the bathroom when there is a hamper a few feet away.... really? what does that teach our kids about responsibility?

I never thought I'd be in this stereotypical marriage of a resentful, angry spouse but here I am. He's a good man in many ways, good with the kids, but is just so incapable in terms of cleaning, organization, time management, or realization that his behavior is thoughtless. and I know, deep down inside, that he's really not capable of significant change.

As for the nanny--I will ask her to do more (she tidies the main room daily and does kids laundry), but I like the fact that she is always keeping the kids engaged and does lots of things out of the house.....[/quote]

Yeah, you have a baby and a toddler. Settle for what you can get.

1. Get the nanny to do more cleaning, maybe run some errands. Maybe pay slightly more and get a new nanny and get her to do a lot more. 
2. Put a box in each room. Every piece of clutter goes into the box. That's it. Then leave it. The 50th time he fishes his crap out of the box, he'll learn. In the box and forget about it. 
3. Automate everything that you can.
4. Get over the meals thing. What's wrong with giving them a grilled cheese once a week? Otherwise, cook in bulk and only once or twice a week. Don't cook every night -  complete waste of time. If you are angry that he is making dinner for them, not for you - explicitly ask him to make lunch as well. If not, then raise hell.

He sounds like a dick, but you've admitted to being somewhat controlling and this is generally the outcome.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics