Reply to Husband making (real) compromises

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Husband making (real) compromises"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Was he completely failing before to ask for what he wanted and now he's snapping back totally in the opposite direction? [/quote]

Hard to say; we were pretty compatible and there were a couple areas where we both make compromises, but it was not a big deal. Since our toddler was born 3 years ago, his personality / views shifted 180 so our values are growing different by the way - mine have stayed stable and 7/10 have shifted dramatically for him. But while I am willing to meet him halfway for a good portion of these shifts, he is really on the side of "my way or the highway".

Now I am mostly willing to give in b/c I would rather do that than give up time with my child in a divorce - but hoping he has a limit? I have absolutely no leverage, he is not even willing to discuss serious topics (think our child's education/major house repairs, budget allocated for vacations, for longer than 5-10 mins if we don't see eye to eye and then gives me the silent treatment on that topic unless I give in; he literally retreats and shuts the door to his room and does not come back say the following morning to discuss, hangs up on me, moves to another room if I try to discuss before bed, he tells me that we should just get a divorce; at that point, I mostly give in b/c of the child). [/quote]

And for those who will say - that I can't make these compromises all the time, taking them 1 by 1.

Major home expenses - I acquiesce mostly, spending time with my child is more important for me than getting a divorce b/c I did not agree to a $50K renovation. Sure, as a quick thing - I say, if we do that, let's also put in another 2K in our child's savings but disproportionately he "wins".

Education - I do influence here but if I ultimately don't go with his decision, then again, my other option is divorce where I have even less leverage to influence anything

Vacation budget - he spends on multiple vacations for him as much as he wants and wants us to cut down on family vacations or spend very little. Yes, I do manage to squeeze in a family vacation that is cheaper compared to his trips, but my option if I push back on his solo trips is divorce

Where to live - he is willing to compromise on location somewhat as long as he picks the house but every year his preferences change so not sure what next year will bring

Values imparted to child - we were very similar, he changed significantly, he tells me to divorce if I dont like it, but then again the child is even more exposed to his values of which I am not a fan (not getting a debate here on values, maybe he;s right, maybe I'm wrong).

The point is like I feel I have only some limited option to influence things and that requires a continuous stress and emotional toll on me, strategizing continuously, reading up on the best communication techniques, ignoring continued dvorce threats, and even then I maybe get 15% say into a relationship that very much started 50-50.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics