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[quote=Anonymous]I think the desire to remain neutral is immature and a pipe dream. Neutrality in this situation is essentially siding with the abuser because it is an attempt to normalize what has happened without allowing it to change your relationship to those involved. Staying neutral will effectively end your relationship with the abused person because they are looking to create a safe support system right now and they will not be able to maintain trust with anyone who is neutral on the issue of their abuse experience.

You should also know that for the abused person an attempt to be neutral and try to "be there for" the abuser is very likely to be viewed as an expression of doubt on whether or not the abuse occurred. You may not view it that way but the abused person likely will feel that way.

Since I don't know anyone involved I can say that it is reasonable that someone should support the abuser in their efforts to get clean and to deal with the fallout of their actions -- it doesn't benefit anyone if that person is totally abandoned. However because of my own experience with abuse my loyalty would be to the person who was abused. I wouldn't be able to support an abuser unless my connection to them way more significant and unbreakable (i.e. they were my sibling). Outside of that obligation I would personally choose to support the abused person in whatever way I could and that would include respecting their choice not to maintain our friendship unless I largely cut ties with the abuser. I would be willing to do that for them. But I am an abuse survivor and I don't really think I could do anything else.[/quote]

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