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[quote=Anonymous]Belaboring how awful she played is not helpful, but from an athletic point of view neither is “oh well, we lost, but at least I tried.” That is great for the kid who plays just for fun, which should be most kids. But some kids are really competitive, and for them the failure matters a lot, and they use it as fuel. If they didn’t care so fiercely, if they weren’t so critical of their and their team’s performance, they wouldn’t be competitive athletes.

My kid is a baseball player, is committed to play in college. He has been on teams where the boys were happy and joking around after a loss - he loathed it, even though he really liked the boys and had fun most games. He wanted to hold himself and others to a higher standard, but they just wanted to enjoy the game. It wasn’t a good fit.

OP, if your kid is wallowing or perseverating that isn’t helpful. But if she is just disgustedly saying “that sucked. I didn’t make a goal and I wasn’t as aggressive as I want to be” or whatever, that’s fine. Let her vent. Later you can ask what she wants to do to prepare for the next game.

It’s uncomfortable to have our kids be cranky about a game, because it’s just a game! But resist the temptation to hear only happy things. The negativity can be where drive comes from. Happy go lucky people are rarely superb athletes.

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