Reply to Sibling just doesn’t care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My brother hasn’t visited my mother in the nursing home for six months. My dad died in January and we had the reading of the will and it appears that he concluded that he gets the same amount on my mothers death no matter how he behaves so why show up and be kind and help? She keeps asking for him. It’s horrible. Also wondering if there is a pattern where women step up and men don’t. [/quote]

I have older brothers. They assumed in every case that I was responsible for my abusive mother. They never concerned themselves with planning for her care because they assumed I would take care of all of it. We are not close and I have spent my adult life distancing myself from all of them. She and my brothers are misogynists. Women are considered a lower class and I was treated as less than from the first moments of my life. They all also assume I am responsible for my brothers as well. They treated me like hired help my entire life. Once I got married and had a family and therapy I put a stop to this. I am that sibling you are all complaining about. I continued to help my mother through her last surgery but that was it. Her sisters my aunts, are furious that I am not constantly flying states away to visit her even though she is in good health and having no problems. Even though they know about the abuse, they expect me to be there for her all the time. I tried multiple times to discuss planning for her care for over a decade. The oldest brothers took over and have never included me in a single discussion.

My case is not that rare. I know several other women dealing with similar attitudes. I speak up for those siblings you are trashing here.  I know lots of people who will minimize the abuse that occurred in their families.  You think that sibling should just step up and be a part of the team when they never were before. To you I say, go stuff it.

Lots of men were raised with the belief that women exist to care for them and not vice versa. It doesn't surprise me, since sexism is alive and well in 2024, that everyone is still making the sexist assumption that the daughters in the family should be primary care takers.[/quote]

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