Reply to Mine and My DH's sex life sucks

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have to "want" each other or at least make a show of wanting each other. No one gets dibs or gets saddled with initiating sex. It's not just one party's responsibility.

OP, does he EVER initiate? Why would he say he wants to be the only person "wanted" what about you?
[/quote]

OP here.  This is a hard question.  He used to initiate it.  He said he stopped b/c he is sick of getting turned down.  But, it is not as though I'm lying in bed and rolling over on him.. [b]it's just that he was initiating sex at times when our kid was running around the living room or something - or other times where it would just be totally impractical to throw down.[/b]

And I tried to designate a day of the week like another poster suggested (Sunday nights), but I got flack for that b/c he said it made him feel like me having sex w/ him was a just another chore of mine to be done.  I tried to explain that I wanted to designate a time b/c, w/ my hectic world (I'm a lawyer and my hourse can make life a little crazy), it made sex a priority.  But, he still gets pissed if I try to set a day of the week.

I don't know what the hell to do.... I think this is potentially his self esteem issue.  I'm trying to figure out if I've contributed to it (probably) and how best to resolve it.  Which seems hard to do when my sex drive isn't that fantastic anyway, and the only way it really gets moving is to see him being strong and confident.  Dammit.[/quote]

Him doing this means he's interested.  You basically have to table his interest until the kid is in bed.  Just tell him when he starts things that you will pick it up later.  It's then up to you to go back to him with the intention because in his mind, he already initiated things once today, he shouldn't have to do it again.  He wants to know you're still interested.  If for some reason you aren't able to follow through on the commitment, let him know that it hasn't slipped your mind but that you will take care of things tomorrow due to x, y, z.  This isn't providing an excuse, this is letting him know that you haven't forgotten that he expressed interest earlier in the day.

FWIW, my DH grabs my ass all the time and hugs on me, especially while I'm cooking, I assume because my ass is turned to him.  I love it when he does this.  The ass grab usually leads to a lengthy hug and kiss.  Before you know it, our 4yo wants to get in on the hug action and have a big family hug.   Of course it's not a convenient time to throw down but it lets me know he's interested. [/quote]

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