Reply to s/o adult children, one with mental challenges

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"Don't want the one kid to feel financially responsible for the other..."

This can be a nightmare and I'd not put that burden on the sibling. All that happens is they get thrust into the role of a parent, with an added helping of the challenged sibling's anger and resentment thrown in for good measure.

My parents left money (some in a trust) for my challenged sibling. The small amount of money he had immediately available he blew through in two months' time.

I had to administer the trust. He would frequently call me IRATE that I wouldn't give him "his" money.  It was no picnic and it's not a job I'd want any sibling to do for another. 
This went on for years.  A cloud over MY head - the responsible one.

Then he reached middle age and he was allowed the balance of the trust. He also blew through that in no time.

Now he is elderly and I'm still looking out for him financially. There is not a lot of government help for poor, elderly people so I have wound up subsidizing his basic living expenses - out of my pocket.

If I did not, he would literally be living in a tent at the side of the road. 
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I'm so sorry - that's incredibly difficult.

In light of where you and your sibling are in your later years, would you want your parents to have handled the money differently? A third party handling the trust?

Again, I'm so sorry.[/quote]

Thanks for your kind words. It's not been easy but as the saying goes, "He ain't heavy, he's my brother." We do care deeply for each other and that's the primary reason I'm still in the game.  I know his mental/emotional challenges are something that he didn't ask for which makes it a bit easier to accept.

If it were possible, it might have been easier having someone else administer the trust for him when he was younger. I didn't need the stress of getting berated and it (temporarily) affected our relationship negatively. Thankfully, his temper and volatility have died down quite a bit since then, especially since he's aged.

For hindsight, 20/20: At one point, we allowed him to buy us (siblings) out of my mother's small house after her death, for a very below market cost. At that stage he had been pretty stable for a few years and was managing well. His mortgage was laughably low - like $300 a month. This is where we made our mistake, I think.

We should have looked at doing some sort of trust for the house and made that a condition of him living there. We could have been able to maintain it and oversee it. As it was, he wound up losing it/foreclosure within a few years after he lapsed and had another mental health set-back. If we had done that, he would not have lost the house and he'd have a roof over his head for the rest of his life.

He has been in a rental since he began collecting Social Security. I live in fear should his landlord not renew his lease, as there is nowhere affordable for him to go. The only possible option may be renting an older mobile home, but even those are getting out of reach.

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