Reply to I filed for divorce today and feel awful

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Reply to "I filed for divorce today and feel awful"

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[quote=Anonymous]Man, some PP's are so harsh on this thread.  Way to try to kick someone when he is down.

OP, I will offer my condolences and I think you are doing the mature thing by self reflecting right now and not pursuing the dating scene.  You are still a dad, so focusing on helping your children through this and giving them as much love and support might be a good direction to go into.  My parents were divorced, so here's some advice from the child's perspective:

1) Never say anything bad about your ex-wife in front of the kids.  Treat her with respect and dignity.  If you have a disagreement, handle it privately and don't get the kids in the middle.  Remember, she is still their mother and treating her badly will only reflect badly on you.

2) Make as much time for your kids as possible.  Do NOT (especially now in the early stage) cancel plans with your kids.  They need to know they are still the most important people in your life.

3) Be involved in anything your children do.  Go to Back to School Night.  Meet your child's teachers.  Go to parent/teacher conferences.  Make sure the school knows the situation and you want to get as much info. as your wife does.  You can check with the office to make sure they have your address, email, contact phone numbers.  I think they can even send both you and your wife official reports such as report cards so you both are on the same page.  If you kids play sports, take them to some practices, see their games, get to know the coach and other parents.  Kids will feel the love when you make the extra effort to be as big of a part of their lives as possible.

4) Remember, kids (especially teenagers who are going through a traumatic time) say things they don't really mean.  If you hear words such as "I don't love you" it will hurt but keep working on maintaining a solid relationship with them.

5) Communicate often with your ex about the kids.  Both of you need to look out for signs that they are having difficulties - falling grades, loss of interest in things that are usually important, dangerous behavior (drinking, smoking, sex).  It might be helpful for them to go to counseling to talk to someone about what they are going through.  The middle school counselor may be a good resource for you to start with.

Good luck.  I wish you and your children the best.[/quote]

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