Reply to Does your spouse use you as an excuse not to deal with his family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's the thing, OP.  Your husband is misinforming his family and they are acting on the information he gives them.  Yet you are directing 100% of your anger and annoyance at his family and holding him blameless.  If you have a problem with this situation, hold him accountable.  Tell him that if he doesn't want to deal with his family, he needs to stop using you as a scapegoat.  Period.[/quote]

OP here. I agree completely. In the past we had arguments about this and I had anger to go around about this situation. Now though I finally understand where he is coming from and he is not dealing with rational people. There's a long history of dysfunction and taking advantage of my DH, but then making him the "Golden child" for saying "yes." We tried couples therapy and it wasn't helpful because there are too many layers here. He is still dealing with trauma (long story there-more emotional abuse with 1 episode of physical) from his upbringing, but he wants a relationship with these people.

Basically, they don't unleash the amount of fury and insults on him if I am the bad guy. They just unleash about what a bitch I am, he defends me and we see them once or twice a year and that's that. It's highly stressful for me seeing them knowing I am satan in their eyes  :evil:, but I am relieved not to deal with them often and I am even more relieved we can protect our kids from getting sucked into the cray cray. I finally realized I might as well appreciate the freedom from them I get most of the year and accept the fact that I cannot force him to deal with his family more directly. We all have our stuff and he's a good guy so I need to focus on that.

That all said, was curious to see if other people's spouses do the same thing.[/quote]

I can understand why you allow this to happen, but you're enabling his dysfunctional relationship with his abusive parents. [/quote]

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