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[quote=Anonymous]Yesterday was the 36th anniversary of my younger brother's death by suicide.  He had just turned 21 six weeks prior and I was 22.  Just typing those two sentences made my eyes well up and throat close.  Yet, there are other times I can talk about him freely and without the visceral pain.

I think it depends on the what it is about him I'm talking about. If I'm talking about his life, what he was like, stories about him, etc., I'm okay.  But, when it is about the loss of him, I get overwhelmed by the sorrow and tragedy. I'm pretty good at not thinking about that but it, of course, comes up.  I've got 3 kids who are young adults and I've worked hard to keep them off the road my younger brother was on.  Can't get around talking about what happened and why.

After his death, some of my coping strategies weren't the best.  I knew it at the time but I just wanted something to take my mind off my grief.  That phase lasted about 5 months.  It was probably another year after that I no longer thought about him every single day.  After about 4 years, I only thought about him occassionally. Now, I really only think about him on his birthday/death day, when triggered by something or if the kids ask about him.

I know this is going to sound a little odd but.....A couple of years ago, a new staff member was assigned to my team. He didn't look like my brother but he reminded me so much of him that I want to believe that my brother's spirit had passed to him.  I like to think that my brother got another chance with this lovely young man. They even have the same first name. Odd, I know but it comforts me.

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