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[quote=Anonymous]When we first got together, I complained more than my DH did. But he was prone to periodic angry outbursts, sometimes about the weirdest and most inane things. Like I remember once he flipped out because I was driving and looking for a parking space and he told me to turn left to find one and I chose to turn right. I remember when we debriefed that fight, I pointed out how he was normally so even keel and that had just come out of nowhere.

We've been together for 15 years and he now complains a lot more than he used to. But he doesn't have angry outbursts, or if he does get upset about something, it's flows more naturally from something where it makes sense.

I think a lot of men are conditioned not to complain, because they think it's unmasculine or they think they have some stoic duty to endure. I also think men develop fewer communication skills generally, and that makes it harder for them to complain about things or discuss frustrations or other negative emotions, because they often just do not have the vocabulary for those conversations. But these are all learned skills. It's just that women often start learning them at a very young age, and some men get to adulthood without acquiring him. So it takes longer for them to learn how to "complain" without randomly blowing up, or in a way that might lead to a peaceful resolution. My DH has gotten great at it though, and now he will tell me, calmly, about stuff in our marriage or in me specifically that is making life harder for him or that feels unequal. And we can talk it through and address it.

But early on, before he had those skills, I do think he probably felt like I "complained" a lot and he never did. Now I think he gets that complaining might just be really negative word to describe a healthy behavior.[/quote]

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