Reply to Logistics for surviving parent after one passes away

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[quote=Anonymous]My dad has been ill and it’s looking like he has 6-12 months to live. He is 80, my mom is 77, and they currently live in the NYC suburbs in a townhouse they downsized to a few years ago.

My dad feels very strongly that when he passes my mom should sell the townhouse and move down to DC to live with me and my family. While I am open to that, I feel like it would be a big mistake to leave all her friends (some of whom have lost a spouse), her brother (who also lost his wife a couple years ago) and her volunteer work which keeps her busy. If she moved down to live with me, I worry she would be very bored since our kids are in school full time, and DH and I both work full time jobs so we aren’t around M-F. My mom is still very active and gets together with friends and her brother regularly and would lose all of that if she leaves.

My dad’s main reasoning is that he doesn’t think my mom is capable of caring for herself - they have been married for over 50 years and he has always managed the finances/paid the bills, taken care of all house related things, cook dinner every night, etc. Admittedly my mom is clueless about all of those things and doesn’t have much hope. Even if she has clear directions on how to pay things like the electric bill she will mess it up somehow. She will also just not eat much because it’s too hard.

My suggestion is not to make any rash decisions and see how things feel once the inevitable happens. I can step in to help with paying bills and order groceries online and stuff, but I genuinely think moving her may be a big mistake.

What have others done in this situation? Any advice?[/quote]

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