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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is this related to a dementia diagnosis? What medication does she take, and could it be a side-effect of one of them? Are there hallucinations? What's the panic about? Is your father someone she perceives to be critical to her safety, or does she trust other people?[/quote]

it's not - she is on a lot of medication right now to manage severe pain for which she has upcoming surgery. so that does add to the issue and create some confusion. 
the panic is about health/ dying etc.
she ONLY trusts him and I think in some ways he has 'enabled' some of it where someone else would have maybe handled it differently. but he has done the best he can. I just fear for a time when she doesnt have him. [/quote]

I ask because such situations are common in the elderly and can be due to various things. My father's anxiety and occasional panic (not as bad as your mother's) is due to cognitive decline. At some point he'll probably be diagnosed with dementia. My MIL, on the other hand, had hallucinations, emotional dysregulation and cognitive impairment due to an overdose of a Parkinson's medication. Reducing it makes Parkinson's symptoms re-appear, so it's very hard to get the right dose, the one that gives the least negative symptoms overall!

You need to consult with all her doctors to examine which medication might be having that effect, and by how much you can reduce it. 
If there's cognitive impairment, it can be various forms of dementia, UTIs, or the effect of certain medications. Most forms of dementia present as memory loss and anxiety, so dementia could absolutely contribute to her anxiety and panic.
I suppose at her age, there's not much chance she could have an overactive thyroid, but maybe bloodwork is in order, just to check (perhaps she was put on thyroid replacement hormones long ago, and they've never been adjusted - usually with age patients need to decrease their dose).

My parents are entirely co-dependent on each other, so I hear you on that front.

I'm sorry. It's very hard.

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