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[quote=Anonymous]IME the slide with dementia was slow at first and then it started snowballing after a few years.  If this is the beginning, look at this time like a gift.  Maximize the time with your mom, tell her you love her and make happy memories together as you’re able.  Call frequently (a few times a week or near daily if you can) just to say hi.  It can be a 5 minute conversation, but that connection persists.

As to resources, look at their LTC policy.  See what it covers and for how long.  Spend some quality time with their insurance agent and understand if there are lifetime limits.  These policies vary tremendously but the early ones are like Cadillacs and cover so much.  The later ones tend to have lifetime limits that you might want to be mindful of.  Some policies are aimed at skilled nursing, some allow aging in place as well.

Start help now so you can to get your mom used to an aide.  It can be an hour twice a week to help her shower or assist with other activities of daily life (ADL).  Your dad will need more and more help over time.  Especially If she becomes restless and agitated and can’t sleep through the night.  At 87 he won’t be able to do all the MOTN wakeups.

I know you want to move her, but is she part of an established community there with friends who are active in her life?  If the latter is true, I think it’s better to keep her in place.  They’ll be a natural source of support and will help challenge her and keep her sharp longer.  You don’t say what kind of living situation your parents are in.  If it’s a house with levels, would they consider downsizing to a condo?  Or an apartment?

This is hard, and identifying resources and putting them in place early will make the transition easier.  You’re on the right track.

I’ll add, I was the one in the trenches and I lost perspective on how bad things had gotten and how unable I was to manage them till I hit a breaking point.  Putting things in place and helping your dad see quickly when he needs more help will be an important role that you play so he doesn’t get worn down by her care.[/quote]

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