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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If having grandchildren is important to you, you should not have an only child. But yes, it’s perfectly valid to want grandchildren and be disappointed if it doesn’t happen; expect, no.[/quote]

I sort of agree with this, but also even if you have three or four kids, you can't guarantee you'll have grandchildren. Or you might wind up with a lot of grandchildren and that can create different issues -- my parents have 10 grandkids and while I know they love all of them, I think it frustrates them that they basically can't be the grandparents they'd like to be to all their kids.

You truly cannot game out what your kids are going to do as adults and expect them to create fulfillment for you in your later years. I feel like it's similar to what I went through in my 20s, when I was getting frustrated with dating and relationships and the fact that no matter how much you might want to get married and have kids, you can't do it without someone else deciding to do it with you. Your control is limited. So I found ways to make my life fulfilling and meaningful that I did have unilateral control over, and then wound up lucking into a great spouse and kids.

I take a similar attitude regarding being a grandparent. I think I'd enjoy that and I love the idea of my amazing kids getting the experience of being parents, because it's been so fulfilling for me. But it's not up to me, so DH and I are planning our later years around the idea of staying somewhat flexible (in case there are grandkids and our kids want/need help and support, and because we will want to prioritize time with them) but making sure we have fulfillment elsewhere, through each other/work/hobbies/friends/community, so we're not sitting around waiting for grandkids who might never come, or might come when we are older and our involvement looks different than it might have. I've just seen too many people make this mistake. Don't hinge your own happiness on someone else making specific choices in their own lives. Also sometimes people have fertility issues and the last thing someone in that situation needs is a parent lamenting how they'll never have a grandchild.[/quote]

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