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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Unconditional love and acceptance
Familiarity
Duty and responsibility
Shared histories
Flesh and Blood

That is why my own family (nuclear and extended) is important to me. Nobody else in the world I share those things with in that way. [/quote]

Not all families have this, but when you do it's gold.

My family of origin doesn't have any of these things except "flesh and blood." Highly dysfunctional. Not even really shared histories because communication was so bad and there were lots of secrets and lies, so what I experienced/remember of my childhood is very different from what my siblings or parents do.

However, I do have this with my husband and kids, and it's wonderful. Such a gift after growing up the way I did. I also have wonderful friends, but family is there for me and close to me in a way my friends will never be. The intimacy and interconnectedness are so much greater.

But I would never judge someone for not having this in their family because I know from experience it's not always your fault. You don't choose the family you are born into, and you can't force people in your family to become what you want or need. Relationships that were dysfunctional since your birth are hard to repair. I maintain pleasant but distant relationships with my parents and siblings so that my children have a memories of their grandparents and have the opportunity to build relationships with their cousins (this is hard because my siblings have a lot of issues and I'm not sure those relationships will happen, but I want to facilitate the option). But I will never have close or meaningful relationships with them. There's just no foundation for it.[/quote]

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