Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unconditional love and acceptance
Familiarity
Duty and responsibility
Shared histories
Flesh and Blood

That is why my own family (nuclear and extended) is important to me. Nobody else in the world I share those things with in that way.

Agree with all these.

Also, I’m not like you, OP - I was an army brat and moved growing up, and then later through schooling and jobs until marriage/nuclear family was created - so I don’t have that same continuity of people knowing me since I was a child that you do. The people that knew me back when are my blood relatives. I don’t know what it’s like to live in a place and grow deep roots although I’m hoping to create that now for my kids.

OP here: I can’t say that I lived in one place and grew deep roots. Moved from country of origin at 2, moved around at least four times before the age of 8, stayed there until college and moved right after.

Anonymous wrote:Unconditional love and acceptance
Familiarity
Duty and responsibility
Shared histories
Flesh and Blood

That is why my own family (nuclear and extended) is important to me. Nobody else in the world I share those things with in that way.

Not all families have this, but when you do it's gold.

My family of origin doesn't have any of these things except "flesh and blood." Highly dysfunctional. Not even really shared histories because communication was so bad and there were lots of secrets and lies, so what I experienced/remember of my childhood is very different from what my siblings or parents do.

However, I do have this with my husband and kids, and it's wonderful. Such a gift after growing up the way I did. I also have wonderful friends, but family is there for me and close to me in a way my friends will never be. The intimacy and interconnectedness are so much greater.

But I would never judge someone for not having this in their family because I know from experience it's not always your fault. You don't choose the family you are born into, and you can't force people in your family to become what you want or need. Relationships that were dysfunctional since your birth are hard to repair. I maintain pleasant but distant relationships with my parents and siblings so that my children have a memories of their grandparents and have the opportunity to build relationships with their cousins (this is hard because my siblings have a lot of issues and I'm not sure those relationships will happen, but I want to facilitate the option). But I will never have close or meaningful relationships with them. There's just no foundation for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a number of people I am related to by birth and grew up with and know them in adulthood. I am somewhat close to some, others I do not care for. I enjoy the company of people I am not related to by miles above those I am related to. I also am inspired/ look up to these people, and I do not feel the same about most of my family.

I could take or leave the idea of family (meaning relatives). Why do some people put such importance of family?

This is easy. All those feelings you feel towards others, people actually feel towards their families. Get it now?

So you don’t have any addicts or narcissists or just general a*^&holes in your family? Genuine follow-up question.

Not PP but addicts yes, narcissistic and a holes, no. I have also had close friends who have struggled or are struggling with addiction and it’s tough but they are a part of my life.

Anonymous wrote:Unconditional love and acceptance
Familiarity
Duty and responsibility
Shared histories
Flesh and Blood

That is why my own family (nuclear and extended) is important to me. Nobody else in the world I share those things with in that way.

Agree with all these.

Also, I’m not like you, OP - I was an army brat and moved growing up, and then later through schooling and jobs until marriage/nuclear family was created - so I don’t have that same continuity of people knowing me since I was a child that you do. The people that knew me back when are my blood relatives. I don’t know what it’s like to live in a place and grow deep roots although I’m hoping to create that now for my kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a number of people I am related to by birth and grew up with and know them in adulthood. I am somewhat close to some, others I do not care for. I enjoy the company of people I am not related to by miles above those I am related to. I also am inspired/ look up to these people, and I do not feel the same about most of my family.

I could take or leave the idea of family (meaning relatives). Why do some people put such importance of family?

This is easy. All those feelings you feel towards others, people actually feel towards their families. Get it now?

So you don’t have any addicts or narcissists or just general a*^&holes in your family? Genuine follow-up question.

Sure one or two but not all. Surely you know not every family is dysfunctional, right? Is this news to you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a number of people I am related to by birth and grew up with and know them in adulthood. I am somewhat close to some, others I do not care for. I enjoy the company of people I am not related to by miles above those I am related to. I also am inspired/ look up to these people, and I do not feel the same about most of my family.

I could take or leave the idea of family (meaning relatives). Why do some people put such importance of family?

This is easy. All those feelings you feel towards others, people actually feel towards their families. Get it now?

So you don’t have any addicts or narcissists or just general a*^&holes in your family? Genuine follow-up question.

Also, if you are married, your DH doesn’t have those in his (since by marriage, now you are part of that family as well)?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a number of people I am related to by birth and grew up with and know them in adulthood. I am somewhat close to some, others I do not care for. I enjoy the company of people I am not related to by miles above those I am related to. I also am inspired/ look up to these people, and I do not feel the same about most of my family.

I could take or leave the idea of family (meaning relatives). Why do some people put such importance of family?

This is easy. All those feelings you feel towards others, people actually feel towards their families. Get it now?

So you don’t have any addicts or narcissists or just general a*^&holes in your family? Genuine follow-up question.

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is very important. I have the ick when women have baby daddies.

I should have been clear I am referring to relatives. Personally I prefer to be married over having a baby daddy or daddies although to each other own.

Anonymous wrote:I have a number of people I am related to by birth and grew up with and know them in adulthood. I am somewhat close to some, others I do not care for. I enjoy the company of people I am not related to by miles above those I am related to. I also am inspired/ look up to these people, and I do not feel the same about most of my family.

I could take or leave the idea of family (meaning relatives). Why do some people put such importance of family?

This is easy. All those feelings you feel towards others, people actually feel towards their families. Get it now?

Marriage is very important. I have the ick when women have baby daddies.

Unconditional love and acceptance
Familiarity
Duty and responsibility
Shared histories
Flesh and Blood

That is why my own family (nuclear and extended) is important to me. Nobody else in the world I share those things with in that way.

I'm with you, OP - I just don't get it. My real family includes people I've chosen (and who chose me) over the years and miles. The lengths people go to and the stress/misery they endure to keep up relationships with biological family "because family" is baffling.

I'm from a big family and we all get along.

Some of us like our relatives as we’ve spent our entire lives connected to them and have many wonderful memories.

I have a number of people I am related to by birth and grew up with and know them in adulthood. I am somewhat close to some, others I do not care for. I enjoy the company of people I am not related to by miles above those I am related to. I also am inspired/ look up to these people, and I do not feel the same about most of my family.

I could take or leave the idea of family (meaning relatives). Why do some people put such importance of family?