Reply to Why people don't get along with their in-laws?

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[quote=Anonymous]Because it’s another group that has expectations/demands. As a working parent, you have to fulfill many people’s expectations/demands… from your kids, from work, from your own family, & from your in-laws. It is a lot.

I can deal with the demands & expectations from my own parents (as annoying as they can be right now), because I remember all of the things they did for me when I was growing up. So that makes it easier for me to do things for them, to visit when they want or take them to see great aunt Mary or whatever. Because they did all of that & more for me.

But I don’t have that store of good feelings with my in-laws, so their demands are just …demands. They didn’t pay into the pot, so to speak, so I don’t really feel a sense of obligation to them. I know my partner might, and so if he wants to visit and do stuff, I do too. But if they are not people I would enjoy talking to at a party, and I don’t have that feeling of obligation towards them that I have towards my own parents, and DH does not put in the effort to plan visits with them…then the relationship is not great.

My relationship is decent with the in-laws because DH does the “work” - he plans stuff with them, will take the kids to visit with me & also without me, buys them gifts. When we host, I am on duty for a lot of it like the cooking, but DH “handles” them. So we can have a nice relationship. I think when that is not the case, it makes it hard for the spouse to like the in-laws - it’s all demands & obligations, without that built- up feeling of love underneath it.

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