Reply to Betrayal trauma

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[quote=Anonymous]I felt this trauma intensely for about 18 months, and then I literally didn't date for a decade.  I just.. shut all that off.

I feel like I'm one of the lucky ones because I discovered proof right away and while the whole truth took a while to get (trickle truth) I knew enough with certainty on Day 1 to know my entire life was upended.

What makes me 1000000x more enraged are examples of truly crazy-making gaslighting that some partners engage in.  To me, that is so much worse than a sexual betrayal.  It takes something from selfish to evil when you see your spouse suffering, when you know their worries are spot on and their suspicions correct, but you decide to ipnthe ente on the emotional torture by implying that they are crazy to suspect betrayal.

My current DH has not technically cheated as far as I know, but he flat out lied and played the victim and made me feel crazy about a major, major lie for many months.  The lie was awful but the WASTING my time, turning me into a frenzied sleuth to try to find the truth...I can't ever get that time and suffering back.  I could have forgiven him for the initial lies.  It's harder to try to forgive him for the associated emotional torture of gaslighting.[/quote]

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