Reply to How did you develop a relationship with your brother or sister in-law?

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[quote=Anonymous]My SIL reminds me too much of my sister - up people's a** because they want something in return.  We were only good in her eyes as long as we could give. Even then, she was rude as anything to us.  When we said no more, we meant it.    She's definitely a taker - just like sister.  It's a wonder they can tie their own shoes for all the tooting of their own horns.  It's disgusting.  So MIL and mother tend to put them on pedestals, and they come out pretty much the same every time.  It's really hard to have a relationship with someone who is so one sided.

Other SIL is very mature, responsible and personable without being nosy.  Not too much to ask, really.  She made the effort to celebrate and be welcoming when we became engaged - not in a "well, we outta do this I suppose" type way, but instead "welcome to the family, good and bad - cheers!"  Tyoe of way.  Not secretive about how their family is less than perfect, like everyone else's.  I relate to real people (the latter); but who needs a self centered b*tch (the former)?

It really is somewhat on her - there are more of them than you, OP!  Make the effort, but if they get nasty, back away slowly or pull the plug, your choice.  You don't want to be around toxic, close, insular and clannish people.   If they say they are getting something from you in the name of them "looking out for you" - RUN!!!!!  Some people don't know when to stop.  Life is too short.

If s/he is happy with their own lives, are interesting and busy, involved people with their work or worthwhile hobbies or good at improving their own family - that is someone you want to be around.

I'm just one perspective.  Not all of them are negative or toxic, I happen to know.  If they make the effort, that says a lot.  How were they around your wedding?  Was it "all about them" or were they helpful? For example.

I have a friend whose ILs were atrocious, even though the bride was planning the wedding long distance by herself, with her parent literally on their death bed (that parent, with whom the bride was extremely close barely made it to the wedding).  While the ILs had been through death before, it seemed no loss to them.  They just seemed like evil people.

I hope you have a nice bunch to work with!  [/quote]

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