PP here. Forgot to mention, DH was mentally abused by them, so he had no interest in facilitating anything. I would strongly suggest knowing as much as possible about them BEFORE the wedding. If they are too quiet - RUN!!!!

My SIL reminds me too much of my sister - up people's a** because they want something in return. We were only good in her eyes as long as we could give. Even then, she was rude as anything to us. When we said no more, we meant it. She's definitely a taker - just like sister. It's a wonder they can tie their own shoes for all the tooting of their own horns. It's disgusting. So MIL and mother tend to put them on pedestals, and they come out pretty much the same every time. It's really hard to have a relationship with someone who is so one sided.

Other SIL is very mature, responsible and personable without being nosy. Not too much to ask, really. She made the effort to celebrate and be welcoming when we became engaged - not in a "well, we outta do this I suppose" type way, but instead "welcome to the family, good and bad - cheers!" Tyoe of way. Not secretive about how their family is less than perfect, like everyone else's. I relate to real people (the latter); but who needs a self centered b*tch (the former)?

It really is somewhat on her - there are more of them than you, OP! Make the effort, but if they get nasty, back away slowly or pull the plug, your choice. You don't want to be around toxic, close, insular and clannish people. If they say they are getting something from you in the name of them "looking out for you" - RUN!!!!! Some people don't know when to stop. Life is too short.

If s/he is happy with their own lives, are interesting and busy, involved people with their work or worthwhile hobbies or good at improving their own family - that is someone you want to be around.

I'm just one perspective. Not all of them are negative or toxic, I happen to know. If they make the effort, that says a lot. How were they around your wedding? Was it "all about them" or were they helpful? For example.

I have a friend whose ILs were atrocious, even though the bride was planning the wedding long distance by herself, with her parent literally on their death bed (that parent, with whom the bride was extremely close barely made it to the wedding). While the ILs had been through death before, it seemed no loss to them. They just seemed like evil people.

I hope you have a nice bunch to work with!

My sil (dhs sister) is one of my best friends our personalities just click. His brother is fine no problems there. His brothers wife is unbearable the only thing we can do is limit time with her and ignore her obnoxious know it all behavior. Our niece is starting to act just like her mom and it makes me want to tear my hair out

My sister in law is a bitch. she treats my mother like crap. She only calls me when she needs advice or pertains to something related to her life. I won;t say anything because I want to have a relationship with my brother and niece and nephews.I stopped calling their house and leaving messages because she always had my brother call back. I just call my brother's cell phone.

I only see her once or twice year.We are always going to visit them. They have come 2x in 5 years.

I guess you can see i am more than a little ticked off with her (and y brother)

Anonymous wrote:I write the checks my husband (and FIL) insist that we need to send the loser.

I fear this could be in our future. We're already having a hard enough time making ourselves secure - just because idiot reproduced with a loser who then walked out on her kids we owe him in some way? Yeah, not happening on my watch. My husband can write that check without me in the picture. I'll divorce his ass if he thinks I'm supporting that hot mess.

The two SILs I'm closest with are a lot younger than DH and I- I felt like they were little kids when we met. I really liked them then, and still like them now as adults. We started out just seeing one another at family gatherings, but over the years, we developed more personal relationsihps- emailing, texting, calling. They visit often- and I've always had a more flexible work schedule than DH, so I'd be home to spend more time with them.

One had a child the same year my first was born, so we bonded over that- shared a lot of baby equipment and clothing, things like that.

I guess it all just felt natural- like getting to know anyone DH considers important. Slow at first, gradually more personal, now we're like family.

I write the checks my husband (and FIL) insist that we need to send the loser.

Meh.

You don't pick you inlaws, its just luck if you happen to like or bond with them. My ILs are not my cup-o-tea, so I don't really bother to try. Might as well pick a stranger on the street and try to be friends with them, why bother? Chances are we won't click.

For me, it's really just been a matter of spending time with them and being open, friendly, but laid back about the whole thing. You've got a lifetime to really develop a relationship, so no need to force or rush things. I've found that if I go into it with the attitude that these are people who I will generally like, despite whatever differences, but who I don't necessarily have to be best friends with, things work out. Between my husband's siblings and my own, I have 6 siblings-in-law. I'm closer to some than others, but we all get along. When first getting to know each other, it was helpful to spend some casual one on one time together - cleaning up after a get together, or sharing a beer on the porch on a family trip. Kids help too.

Never happened for me. Theyre stuck up and never wanted to get close to me. I tried..invited them for meals, sent birthday gifts, called when they were sick etc but it was never reciprocated. DH was never close to his sisters so that also didn't help. You dont have to be friends with them, if you get along that's good enough

Time. It just takes time. And persistence.

If you figure it out let me know!

My MIL made it easy. She was such a shit to the both of us that we instantly bonded.

Our spouses did play a role. Took the brothers some time to realize that their wives demanded better, but they eventually stood up. Made MIL hate us more.

1. Be friendly and open to a relationship with them.
2. Remember what is NOT your business.

Too many inlaws imbed themselves into the family dynamics of the family into which they married.

The sibling(s) of your spouse. Did your spouse/partner play a large role in how your relationship turned out?