Reply to Fair division of household responsibilities vs. income

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You’re having a discussion with someone who talks to his spouse about how much she earns in relation to their partnership as parents? WTH is wrong with him? Shut that nonsense down.

This isn’t a YOU problem, it’s a WE problem. You both have to sit down and figure this out. Maybe you trade off days for meal/pickup. Maybe you invest in a meal prep service. Maybe you each adjust your schedules. Maybe he’s in charge of Saturday dinner and you’re in charge of Sunday dinner and then you alternate each weekend.

All I know is that the salary each person makes has to be taken off the table. It’s getting in the way of a reasonable but challenging  discussion about parenting and household responsibilities.

As a last result, you can get a copy of the Fair Play book. That has been recommended here and would be helpful in your situation. [/quote]

Agree mostly with this, and have also done the Fair Play cards and thought it was useful. That said, I make 4x what my DH makes and that definitely enters into the equation somewhat.

Can you make up the missing hours after kids go to bed? That’s what I do. Something has to give and for me it’s personal time, of which I have basically zero during the week.[/quote]

And that's totally unfair to you.  He should do way more of the household stuff if you earn 4x the income.  More like he should be doing 75% minimum if not everything.  Obviously there may be some logistical issues and you have to pitch in now and then or maybe certain things you actually enjoy doing and have time for do you should get to decide what those things are.  It should be entirely up to you as a first approximation but for example maybe you have more time on weekends or maybe you enjoy some stuff involving the kids.  But pretty much all the drudgery type stuff should be his to do. If you like to cook maybe you can do some of the meals when you have time for it

You not having any personal time is absurd and unhealthy, and not fair.

It's not just about how many hours someone puts in.  It's about how much value is actually being contributed.  Doesn't change depending on genders.

The people who say the money doesn't matter are being absurd because that's a direct measure of value being contributed to the family.   If my wife earned 4x my income I would HAPPILY try to do as much as possible chore wise to make her life easier I certainly wouldn't insist on a 50/50 split that'd ridiculous.

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