Reply to For aggressive early dementia-do you find world events and adult children problems major triggers

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My MIL is now in advanced stages of dementia and she is completely non verbal, sedated by all the meds she takes, unaware of things going on in the world or with her family members. So, yes, it’s gotten “better” in the sense that she’s no longer aggressive or agitated and she doesn’t get upset about things in the news or with my difficult BIL anymore. She was in the early stages of dementia in 2016 and it was absolutely awful to see how upset she would get about Trump during that time period. I mean we all were upset of course but w her dementia she absolutely couldn’t handle it at all. My BIL has a lot of issues that have gotten much worse over the past year or so and one of the only “good” things about it is that my MIL is too far into dementia to realize how awful my BIL has gotten because if MIL knew she’d be devastated.
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oh god. similar. i am a gov employee and my mom would call me up ranting about all the things she wished would happen to trump. there was no way to stop her, no way to get her to understand that there are things you Just Can't Say on a phone line. It was awful.

She got to be completely unable to use phone by 2019, and became basically non-verbal by 2021. i don't think she knows who i or anyone who she sees is. Although I suspect I could get a negative reaction if i said Trumps name to her...[/quote]

I can relate to the ranting part and there is no interrupting and no reasoning and no setting boundaries. I had to finally stop calling or visiting when i became mom's "Trump." Everything I do is just awful and everything is my fault. Politics are my fault. Her moods are my fault. It's bizarre and everyone is either evil or a saint. Meds help for a while, but as the brain deteriorates it hard for the social worker to get her to apply with adjustments. I am embarrassed to admit I hope one day she forgets all this rage she has for me and I can be in her life again and just sit outside and enjoy the sunshine with her.

Thought I would also mention long before her more obvious deterioration she had these occasional paranoid and irrational fixations. For example, my parents were friends with a couple for decades. When the wife became sick the husband flew her to the top places in the country and made himself sick ensuring she was comfortable. My mom started having all sorts of suspicions about him and ended up screaming at him on the phone one time when he called to speak to my dad. My dad just gaslight his friend and said that she was just stressed, but when he confronted her she screamed at him. For the record at the funeral, everyone close to them testified to how well he cared for her. My mom still obsesses about him and will say very strange things that none of their friend group could understand. Most of her friend group have since drifted.[/quote]

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