Reply to How can we avoid getting 'left behind' as the surviving spouse if dementia sets in?

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[quote=Anonymous]Continued care community as mentioned. Also, we have kids but having seen the ugly side of dementia in our family (abusive behavior, aggression, extreme anxiety where meds keep needing to adjusted, rage) we have rethought how we would handle things like a cancer diagnosis past a certain age. I would rather not go through chemo past 70, say goodby to my loved ones and treat them with love and give them permission to enjoy life to the fullest as I fade with amazing pain meds than put them through years of me getting chemo and surgeries and radiation only to have me turn into a demon who is abusive.

Also, I know some will be horrified, but I will be looking into the option of death with dignity and I hope it becomes legal more places and legal for those with dementia and alzheimers.

That said, OP even if you had kids, if you become like our parents that doesn't do much. We still had to get adult protective services involved, the police, etc-all stuff neighbors would do. Those with dementia have a lot of rights, even the right to burn the house down or plunge down the steps to death. It's the people who develop the more childlike dementia where you can more easily get them the proper care and check on things  and ensure safety and that they are well cared for. It's very hard to advocate for an abusive elder who scares off staff.[/quote]

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