Reply to How can we avoid getting 'left behind' as the surviving spouse if dementia sets in?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am 55, my husband is 64.

We don't have kids.

Husband is retired, I still work.

We are both in good health. I think I may be menopausal but other than that, we're fine.

We own our house and we are mortgage free. No plans to move or downsize in the near future.

What prompted me to start this thread is my very elderly, widowed MIL who is in her 90s and suffers from mid-stage dementia. 
She lives in her own home and receives round the clock care from private aides (including live-in) and from her adult children. She is wealthy and she can afford to pay for private and live-in aides 24/7.

It dawned on me that DH and I will never be able to afford this level of support for ourselves in our old age.

For context:
DH and I don't have children, so no grandchildren either.
I am an only child, so no siblings and no nieces and nephews either.
My parents died years ago and my relatives all live abroad (in our home country and in other countries).
I am cordial with, but not close to my cousins.
I am cordial with, but not close to my SILs and their families.
The person I am closest to is DH.
We don't have enough funds to afford private and live-in aides 24/7 like MIL. For a few months maybe, but not for years.

If I should die first, I'm sure my SILs would offer DH some practical support, or at least check on him now and then - IF they suspect his cognitive abilities are declining.

If DH goes first, I'm on my own.

Dementia is scary! I see how MIL's health is declining and it sometimes causes me to feel anxious about our own old age, even if we're still healthy right now.
I mean, how does a person living on their own even know that they have dementia? They don't, do they?

DH tells me not to worry about the future and just enjoy the present while we can. 
[b]He says he doesn't care where I live, what I do with our house or with my life if he should die first.[/quote][/b]

Well, this is eye-opening.[/quote]

I think he meant it as a joke. What is he supposed to say? He says he'll be dead and I can do whatever I want.[/quote]

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