Reply to Love DH but he’s low sex drive…considering a business trip affair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
So other than "trying to initiate" have you done [i]nothing at all[/i] to:

Discuss this with him and ask him why he's not interested? And not take "I don't feel like it" as his final answer? "I try to initiate" is not a discussion, OP.

Get him a detailed medical checkup including testing his testosterone levels, blood sugar, thyroid etc. etc.? (Thyroid issues, pretty common as we age, can affect libido as it did in my own DH). Same goes for a depression screening. What is his job situation? What stresses is he under? Are your out-of-the-nest kids in college with tuition bills that worry him but not you? Do you know or care if there might be other factors at play, or are you just hornIy and when he says no, you start thinking about dreamy men on European business trips?

Address what it is in your marriage that is so obviously NOT "excellent"? If you cannot approach your own spouse to say you have a problem and want to work it out as a team, your marriage isn't excellent and you're fooling yourself. Leaping to cheating to "get your needs met" yet still pretending you nobly want to keep the marriage is bulls**t, OP.

Yeah, I'm being hard on you. Bleating about your great marriage, saying you want the marriage, but then preening yourself on your attractiveness and your easy opportunities to cheat -- you need to step back and see yourself the way you really are. You don't care enough about your DH to even wonder if he might have a medical issue, or be under stresses you haven't bothered to explore, or anything else. If you love him you will care about all of him, and whether he's in trouble that is showing up as lack of libido. But nope, you're all about you. [/quote]

Off topic, but I feel like I recognize you from your other posts. I imagine you as someone with a lot of anger. That you direct outward to prevent yourself from feeling sad or lonely. I am fascinated by how much energy you spend telling strangers off. I wonder what this is feeding for you. I wonder if your judgmental behavior has alienated other people from you. I respect your strong personality but I also feel a little scared by how sure you are that you’re right. I wonder if you realize that what you see is a projection of your own wishes and fears.[/quote]

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