Reply to Love DH but he’s low sex drive…considering a business trip affair

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Love DH but he’s low sex drive…considering a business trip affair "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
So other than "trying to initiate" have you done [i]nothing at all[/i] to:

Discuss this with him and ask him why he's not interested? And not take "I don't feel like it" as his final answer? "I try to initiate" is not a discussion, OP.

Get him a detailed medical checkup including testing his testosterone levels, blood sugar, thyroid etc. etc.? (Thyroid issues, pretty common as we age, can affect libido as it did in my own DH). Same goes for a depression screening. What is his job situation? What stresses is he under? Are your out-of-the-nest kids in college with tuition bills that worry him but not you? Do you know or care if there might be other factors at play, or are you just hornIy and when he says no, you start thinking about dreamy men on European business trips?

Address what it is in your marriage that is so obviously NOT "excellent"? If you cannot approach your own spouse to say you have a problem and want to work it out as a team, your marriage isn't excellent and you're fooling yourself. Leaping to cheating to "get your needs met" yet still pretending you nobly want to keep the marriage is bulls**t, OP.

Yeah, I'm being hard on you. Bleating about your great marriage, saying you want the marriage, but then preening yourself on your attractiveness and your easy opportunities to cheat -- you need to step back and see yourself the way you really are. You don't care enough about your DH to even wonder if he might have a medical issue, or be under stresses you haven't bothered to explore, or anything else. If you love him you will care about all of him, and whether he's in trouble that is showing up as lack of libido. But nope, you're all about you. [/quote]

Well, first of all ouch. Maybe I deserve some of that but I think not all. 
The issue is he really does not like to talk about feelings, never has. I have tried to discuss.  And he staunchly maintains that he doesn’t lack desire. We’re talking about a change over the years from maybe once a week to twice a month to monthly, now more like every couple of months.
You say, “get him a detailed medical checkup.”  He sees nothing wrong - I’ve suggested, but he’s not a dog I can take to the vet.  Work is the same for us both as it’s been for ages - not a major stressor - we’re doing fine financially and tuition not a worry.  We discuss work quite a lot, so I’d know.  
Finally, it would not be a leap should I choose to do it.  I’m really trying to think it through very carefully.  I’ve never been unfaithful, never sought out other options. Just have been tempted in a way I have never been.  And, didn’t mean to bleat or preen.  Just trying to give context. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics