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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry. I have no advice because I’m in the same boat. I have accepted that my DH must have executive dysfunction.

I’m a stay at home mom, so it’s A LOT more manageable than your situation, but it still sucks. I’m literally never off the clock. I think I’m working harder than ever. It’s sad that I actually prefer when he’s at work because when he’s home I’m just constantly picking up after him. He leaves dirty clothes, dirty diapers, dirty dishes scattered all over the house. He doesn’t even follow our baby’s schedule when he’s with her after work and on the evenings, making my life even harder.

Somehow he doesn’t see when the dishwasher needs to be loaded or emptied, when the dogs need water, when the refrigerator needs to be cleaned out, when the counters need to be wiped down, when the trash needs to be taken out, when laundry needs to be done or just put away, when bottles need to be washed, when the diaper bag needs to be stocked, when literally anything needs to be done. On the rare occasion he has done a load of laundry he has left it in the washer for days (he’s done this multiple times). Oh, and this week. (And too many weeks to count) he failed to bring the trash to the street. Out of pure laziness. I also do every single night waking.

I’m trying so hard to be the perfect wife and mother for him. Dinner on the table when he gets home. He even has the nerve to ask me to make his lunch in the morning while I’m caring for myself, our two dogs, and our baby.

He tells me to tell him what to do, like, hello!? Open your eyes!? I tried telling him that this is more mental work for me. He just doesn’t get it and I don’t think he ever will. Other times when I do ask him, he tells me he’s too tired (I’m tired too!) or that he will get to it later (Surprise, later never comes). Lately I’ve been fantasizing about separating/divorcing. 
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Well, before divorcing, just try growing a backbone.[/quote]

Believe me. I have tried. I don’t know what else to do except accept the situation or eventually divorce.[/quote]

I'm honestly curious.  Was he helpful with all these things before you got married and had a baby?  [/quote]

NP but my DH was competent enough- and busy enough- before marrying and baby that his executive functioning deficits and ADHD weren't very noticeable. In fact, mine wasn't even diagnosed until our baby was 2 months old! He could muddle his way through Fri-Sun pre-baby in a way that didn't make his disorder obvious. Then it was back to work Mon-Thurs, usually flying to projects. He wore suits so laundry was minimal (dry cleaning) and ate at work and on the clients dime so meal planning was not a source of stress for him. We lived in a small apartment with little to organize or clean and I could manage the cleaning without realizing I was doing it all. In hindsight there were a few signs here and there but you'd have to be an expert- or a wife married to someone with a diagnosis- to pick up on them.

When I say it was obvious once we had a baby that he had ADHD, I mean like I realized it on DAY ONE of her life. It went from thinking he was a little scattered but otherwise a great guy to realize that he just could. not. deal. His brain basically exploded the first time that she cried and needed something and I couldn't pick her up and he was still thinking about what sandwich to order. The layered thinking, constant change in structure and schedule and constant need to think forward and backward in time are the basics of the mental side of parenting but not a fit for his ADHD.[/quote]

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