Anonymous wrote:My marriage had been really tainted by the inequity in our workload. Dh has adhd. Likely in large part because of this, I do the lions share of everything. I make about 4x the salary, work much much harder; and have to remember almost all of the kid and household admin. It’s not that he *wont* do it but it’s sort of positioned as that he *cannot* do as much as me and therefore would just - if left to own devices - let many many many things slide (clean clothes/ kids shower/ kids eat any vegetables/ submit mandatory forms to school/ buy birthday presents for other kids parties etc etc). I sit there every night working and doing admin till I go to bed basically while he unwinds. I do not want to share time with kids and I know the dcum party line is don’t divorce unless it’s awful. And he does have in theory many good qualities. But the inequity in our relationship is just bananas. I have addressed it all I can and this is the best it’s going to get. Is there any solution?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. I have no advice because I’m in the same boat. I have accepted that my DH must have executive dysfunction.

I’m a stay at home mom, so it’s A LOT more manageable than your situation, but it still sucks. I’m literally never off the clock. I think I’m working harder than ever. It’s sad that I actually prefer when he’s at work because when he’s home I’m just constantly picking up after him. He leaves dirty clothes, dirty diapers, dirty dishes scattered all over the house. He doesn’t even follow our baby’s schedule when he’s with her after work and on the evenings, making my life even harder.

Somehow he doesn’t see when the dishwasher needs to be loaded or emptied, when the dogs need water, when the refrigerator needs to be cleaned out, when the counters need to be wiped down, when the trash needs to be taken out, when laundry needs to be done or just put away, when bottles need to be washed, when the diaper bag needs to be stocked, when literally anything needs to be done. On the rare occasion he has done a load of laundry he has left it in the washer for days (he’s done this multiple times). Oh, and this week. (And too many weeks to count) he failed to bring the trash to the street. Out of pure laziness. I also do every single night waking.

I’m trying so hard to be the perfect wife and mother for him. Dinner on the table when he gets home. He even has the nerve to ask me to make his lunch in the morning while I’m caring for myself, our two dogs, and our baby.

He tells me to tell him what to do, like, hello!? Open your eyes!? I tried telling him that this is more mental work for me. He just doesn’t get it and I don’t think he ever will. Other times when I do ask him, he tells me he’s too tired (I’m tired too!) or that he will get to it later (Surprise, later never comes). Lately I’ve been fantasizing about separating/divorcing.

Huh? I SAH and consider those things my job. I do those during the day, just like DH is working during the day.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. I have no advice because I’m in the same boat. I have accepted that my DH must have executive dysfunction.

I’m a stay at home mom, so it’s A LOT more manageable than your situation, but it still sucks. I’m literally never off the clock. I think I’m working harder than ever. It’s sad that I actually prefer when he’s at work because when he’s home I’m just constantly picking up after him. He leaves dirty clothes, dirty diapers, dirty dishes scattered all over the house. He doesn’t even follow our baby’s schedule when he’s with her after work and on the evenings, making my life even harder.

Somehow he doesn’t see when the dishwasher needs to be loaded or emptied, when the dogs need water, when the refrigerator needs to be cleaned out, when the counters need to be wiped down, when the trash needs to be taken out, when laundry needs to be done or just put away, when bottles need to be washed, when the diaper bag needs to be stocked, when literally anything needs to be done. On the rare occasion he has done a load of laundry he has left it in the washer for days (he’s done this multiple times). Oh, and this week. (And too many weeks to count) he failed to bring the trash to the street. Out of pure laziness. I also do every single night waking.

I’m trying so hard to be the perfect wife and mother for him. Dinner on the table when he gets home. He even has the nerve to ask me to make his lunch in the morning while I’m caring for myself, our two dogs, and our baby.

He tells me to tell him what to do, like, hello!? Open your eyes!? I tried telling him that this is more mental work for me. He just doesn’t get it and I don’t think he ever will. Other times when I do ask him, he tells me he’s too tired (I’m tired too!) or that he will get to it later (Surprise, later never comes). Lately I’ve been fantasizing about separating/divorcing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. I have no advice because I’m in the same boat. I have accepted that my DH must have executive dysfunction.

I’m a stay at home mom, so it’s A LOT more manageable than your situation, but it still sucks. I’m literally never off the clock. I think I’m working harder than ever. It’s sad that I actually prefer when he’s at work because when he’s home I’m just constantly picking up after him. He leaves dirty clothes, dirty diapers, dirty dishes scattered all over the house. He doesn’t even follow our baby’s schedule when he’s with her after work and on the evenings, making my life even harder.

Somehow he doesn’t see when the dishwasher needs to be loaded or emptied, when the dogs need water, when the refrigerator needs to be cleaned out, when the counters need to be wiped down, when the trash needs to be taken out, when laundry needs to be done or just put away, when bottles need to be washed, when the diaper bag needs to be stocked, when literally anything needs to be done. On the rare occasion he has done a load of laundry he has left it in the washer for days (he’s done this multiple times). Oh, and this week. (And too many weeks to count) he failed to bring the trash to the street. Out of pure laziness. I also do every single night waking.

I’m trying so hard to be the perfect wife and mother for him. Dinner on the table when he gets home. He even has the nerve to ask me to make his lunch in the morning while I’m caring for myself, our two dogs, and our baby.

He tells me to tell him what to do, like, hello!? Open your eyes!? I tried telling him that this is more mental work for me. He just doesn’t get it and I don’t think he ever will. Other times when I do ask him, he tells me he’s too tired (I’m tired too!) or that he will get to it later (Surprise, later never comes). Lately I’ve been fantasizing about separating/divorcing.

Well, before divorcing, just try growing a backbone.

Believe me. I have tried. I don’t know what else to do except accept the situation or eventually divorce.

I'm honestly curious. Was he helpful with all these things before you got married and had a baby?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. I have no advice because I’m in the same boat. I have accepted that my DH must have executive dysfunction.

I’m a stay at home mom, so it’s A LOT more manageable than your situation, but it still sucks. I’m literally never off the clock. I think I’m working harder than ever. It’s sad that I actually prefer when he’s at work because when he’s home I’m just constantly picking up after him. He leaves dirty clothes, dirty diapers, dirty dishes scattered all over the house. He doesn’t even follow our baby’s schedule when he’s with her after work and on the evenings, making my life even harder.

Somehow he doesn’t see when the dishwasher needs to be loaded or emptied, when the dogs need water, when the refrigerator needs to be cleaned out, when the counters need to be wiped down, when the trash needs to be taken out, when laundry needs to be done or just put away, when bottles need to be washed, when the diaper bag needs to be stocked, when literally anything needs to be done. On the rare occasion he has done a load of laundry he has left it in the washer for days (he’s done this multiple times). Oh, and this week. (And too many weeks to count) he failed to bring the trash to the street. Out of pure laziness. I also do every single night waking.

I’m trying so hard to be the perfect wife and mother for him. Dinner on the table when he gets home. He even has the nerve to ask me to make his lunch in the morning while I’m caring for myself, our two dogs, and our baby.

He tells me to tell him what to do, like, hello!? Open your eyes!? I tried telling him that this is more mental work for me. He just doesn’t get it and I don’t think he ever will. Other times when I do ask him, he tells me he’s too tired (I’m tired too!) or that he will get to it later (Surprise, later never comes). Lately I’ve been fantasizing about separating/divorcing.

Well, before divorcing, just try growing a backbone.

Believe me. I have tried. I don’t know what else to do except accept the situation or eventually divorce.

I'm honestly curious. Was he helpful with all these things before you got married and had a baby?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. I have no advice because I’m in the same boat. I have accepted that my DH must have executive dysfunction.

I’m a stay at home mom, so it’s A LOT more manageable than your situation, but it still sucks. I’m literally never off the clock. I think I’m working harder than ever. It’s sad that I actually prefer when he’s at work because when he’s home I’m just constantly picking up after him. He leaves dirty clothes, dirty diapers, dirty dishes scattered all over the house. He doesn’t even follow our baby’s schedule when he’s with her after work and on the evenings, making my life even harder.

Somehow he doesn’t see when the dishwasher needs to be loaded or emptied, when the dogs need water, when the refrigerator needs to be cleaned out, when the counters need to be wiped down, when the trash needs to be taken out, when laundry needs to be done or just put away, when bottles need to be washed, when the diaper bag needs to be stocked, when literally anything needs to be done. On the rare occasion he has done a load of laundry he has left it in the washer for days (he’s done this multiple times). Oh, and this week. (And too many weeks to count) he failed to bring the trash to the street. Out of pure laziness. I also do every single night waking.

I’m trying so hard to be the perfect wife and mother for him. Dinner on the table when he gets home. He even has the nerve to ask me to make his lunch in the morning while I’m caring for myself, our two dogs, and our baby.

He tells me to tell him what to do, like, hello!? Open your eyes!? I tried telling him that this is more mental work for me. He just doesn’t get it and I don’t think he ever will. Other times when I do ask him, he tells me he’s too tired (I’m tired too!) or that he will get to it later (Surprise, later never comes). Lately I’ve been fantasizing about separating/divorcing.

Well, before divorcing, just try growing a backbone.

Believe me. I have tried. I don’t know what else to do except accept the situation or eventually divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. I have no advice because I’m in the same boat. I have accepted that my DH must have executive dysfunction.

I’m a stay at home mom, so it’s A LOT more manageable than your situation, but it still sucks. I’m literally never off the clock. I think I’m working harder than ever. It’s sad that I actually prefer when he’s at work because when he’s home I’m just constantly picking up after him. He leaves dirty clothes, dirty diapers, dirty dishes scattered all over the house. He doesn’t even follow our baby’s schedule when he’s with her after work and on the evenings, making my life even harder.

Somehow he doesn’t see when the dishwasher needs to be loaded or emptied, when the dogs need water, when the refrigerator needs to be cleaned out, when the counters need to be wiped down, when the trash needs to be taken out, when laundry needs to be done or just put away, when bottles need to be washed, when the diaper bag needs to be stocked, when literally anything needs to be done. On the rare occasion he has done a load of laundry he has left it in the washer for days (he’s done this multiple times). Oh, and this week. (And too many weeks to count) he failed to bring the trash to the street. Out of pure laziness. I also do every single night waking.

I’m trying so hard to be the perfect wife and mother for him. Dinner on the table when he gets home. He even has the nerve to ask me to make his lunch in the morning while I’m caring for myself, our two dogs, and our baby.

He tells me to tell him what to do, like, hello!? Open your eyes!? I tried telling him that this is more mental work for me. He just doesn’t get it and I don’t think he ever will. Other times when I do ask him, he tells me he’s too tired (I’m tired too!) or that he will get to it later (Surprise, later never comes). Lately I’ve been fantasizing about separating/divorcing.

Well, before divorcing, just try growing a backbone.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. I have no advice because I’m in the same boat. I have accepted that my DH must have executive dysfunction.

I’m a stay at home mom, so it’s A LOT more manageable than your situation, but it still sucks. I’m literally never off the clock. I think I’m working harder than ever. It’s sad that I actually prefer when he’s at work because when he’s home I’m just constantly picking up after him. He leaves dirty clothes, dirty diapers, dirty dishes scattered all over the house. He doesn’t even follow our baby’s schedule when he’s with her after work and on the evenings, making my life even harder.

Somehow he doesn’t see when the dishwasher needs to be loaded or emptied, when the dogs need water, when the refrigerator needs to be cleaned out, when the counters need to be wiped down, when the trash needs to be taken out, when laundry needs to be done or just put away, when bottles need to be washed, when the diaper bag needs to be stocked, when literally anything needs to be done. On the rare occasion he has done a load of laundry he has left it in the washer for days (he’s done this multiple times). Oh, and this week. (And too many weeks to count) he failed to bring the trash to the street. Out of pure laziness. I also do every single night waking.

I’m trying so hard to be the perfect wife and mother for him. Dinner on the table when he gets home. He even has the nerve to ask me to make his lunch in the morning while I’m caring for myself, our two dogs, and our baby.

He tells me to tell him what to do, like, hello!? Open your eyes!? I tried telling him that this is more mental work for me. He just doesn’t get it and I don’t think he ever will. Other times when I do ask him, he tells me he’s too tired (I’m tired too!) or that he will get to it later (Surprise, later never comes). Lately I’ve been fantasizing about separating/divorcing.