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[quote=Anonymous]Parents and sister live cross-country, out of money, refusing to sell house, and very frail. Sister is helping care for them to preserve where she lives free (with them) as long as she can. Well my dad fell and broke his hip, had surgery today, and his femur is so brittle that also broke during surgery. Both issues were fixed, not sure whether or not he will ever be able to walk again. He’ll probably go to rehab, might have to reside in a Medicaid nursing home, which he will NOT want (and should not have to, given they are sitting on a 750K asset and can rent in the same community and have enough money after selling to hire in help, etc.  Spoke to my mother about it and she just cried (like she always does) and says “I don’t want to make any decisions”. I’ve posted here before; we’ve offered numerous free living situations and was turned down each time. Won’t be long before my sister is overwhelmed and wants me out there to help, but here’s the problem. I was up and down a ladder all day about a month ago hand-sewing an awning that was damaged, because my husband wanted it left up over the screen porch and it looked so bad (think shredded and tattered) that I was ashamed and tried to fix it. Well, the awning still look like crap, though a bit better, and the up and down the ladder for 10 hours severely inflamed my piriformis muscle, making it very difficult to walk, etc. It’s been a month and it’s improving with treatment but it will take a while longer. I can’t go out there to help without damaging myself further. And frankly, I’m tired of people making decisions that impact me physically and emotionally so I’m done. DONE. Making a last ditch with a contractor to put up a plexi roof over the aluminum porch (not even sure it can by done) and if it can’t, I’m taking the porch down and we will still have our nice deck it’s built over.  Husband has NO say anymore. And I’m NOT going cross-country to help. Were they on the same coast, I could manage because we have other family around, but five hours on a plane in my current condition will delay my own healing and I was told might make the pain permanent. My brother lives on the west coast and can get there faster if they need help - I’ve offered to pay the plane fare since last minute would be stretch for him.

I’ve been too accommodating and too kind over the years, wanting to keep the peace. No more. Anyone out there struggling with elderly parents, a difficult spouse, etc, please draw your boundaries hard and with no guilt. People will use you if they can to make their lives easier if you are willing to allow it. I’ve never been in pain like I was a month ago and nothing is scarier than struggling to walk - pain is lessening but I’m stiff as all heck when walking. Hopefully with proper stretches, etc, that goes away too (I’m 62 so goes away is relative).

Thank you for letting me vent here - I know screaming at my parents and sister will do no good, but I have to get it out. So to my family - TOLD YOU SO![/quote]

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