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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Historically most in-law relationships have been tense, toxic and traumatic. This conditioned women to despise the idea of having to deal with any. What advice would you give young women to establish good relations without compromising their own interests?[/quote]

OP, I do think that there are some people who marry into toxic families, and unless you are a professional therapist, you have no way of knowing what ramifications that might bring.  Sometimes, if you have a pleasant upbringing, or maybe had a long term relationship with someone with kind, involved, healthy, loving parents - you expect others to have the same.  It can be really eye opening to walk into a toxic situation. Toxic people seem very good/experienced at hiding their foibles for a while, until they can't, I suppose.

If the in laws are important to you, then be sure to scrutinize them when dating.  If the in laws really don't matter to you (you don't marry them - some people think you do - but I do not), then spend more time building your nuclear family in a healthy way.

I guess this is another way of saying what PP said - have boundaries, and make sure your DH enforces them.  If your in laws are self important/self centered, narcissistic bullies, this doesn't always work. [/quote]

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