Reply to Are there funeral planners you can hire to do everything so siblings do not need to interact?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Who is paying for the funeral? Will you be the one with the payment, OP?  If so, it is easier for you to dictate to the funeral home what is to be done (and not done). [/quote]

No, it's his money. Honestly, when dealing with someone this difficult, there is no dictating. I simply want to survive it. I can honor and celebrate dad anyway I want once we survive the funeral. He understands/understood she is difficult, but there has always been tremendous denial about just how severe things were and both he and my mother bought into her victim mentality. I cannot ban her from the funeral or not tell her until it's all planned. They got plenty of signals from teachers, etc there were issues growing up and while the could afford it they were against mental health help. If anything in adulthood he and my mother both acknowledged she was dramatic and difficult, but were highly disappointed in me for not rallying around and her and supporting her as she faced the consequences of her actions. Our family was dysfunctional enough that I do think my dad would rather I allow her to change everything he wanted and just go along with it so that we both are there. My whole life I have been expected to go along to get along. In honor of him I would be willing to have a middleman deal with her, but let her run the show and then that will be the last time I go along to get along. After that, I'm out.[/quote]

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