Reply to I really, really miss my Mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The title says it all. I miss her so much. She died at 86, I'm 50. She's been gone 2 years. I didn't appreciate her enough or show her enough love while she was alive. There is so much I wish I could tell her. For some reason the pain of missing her gets worse with time. [/quote]

I'm sorry. I am 50, my mom is 84, and she hasn't known who I am for several years. But even before dementia stole her, our love languages never meshed. She never *felt* truly loved by me, but that wasn't something I could control short of being a completely different person than who I am.

She also always had this brain worm that because I was adopted I didn't think she was my "real" mom.

Anyway, including mothers-in-law I've had 5 moms in my life, and there is still some part of me that just wants my mama, and that person just doesn't exist and never really has. There is no one that I can, say, go to for a hug and be told that things will be ok. It sucks, but I've just had to come to terms with it.

My mom lost her mom in her early 40s, and I know she felt that loss deeply for the rest of her life. In her 50s she started a relationship with a mentor who basically became a second mom to her, but it never fully filled that gap.

Grief stays with us; the shape of it may change over the years but in some factor it will always be there. Be gentle with yourself, try not to beat yourself up for how past you navigated your relationship. Age will always give us different perspectives on those we love-- honor the appreciation and love you continue to feel for your mom.

Maybe you could try journaling the things you wish you could share with your mom?

*hugs to you*
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