Anonymous wrote:The title says it all. I miss her so much. She died at 86, I'm 50. She's been gone 2 years. I didn't appreciate her enough or show her enough love while she was alive. There is so much I wish I could tell her. For some reason the pain of missing her gets worse with time.

I miss my mom too and I didn't even like her. I loved her though. and she loved me.

Anonymous wrote:I lost my mom 14 years ago when I was in my mid 50s. I miss her every single day. I now live in an over 55 community as I enjoy retirement and I have found that having some good friends here who are in their 80s and 90s has helped me miss her just a tiny bit less.

+1 I want to second this idea.
I'm in my mid-50s and lost my awesome mom 4 years ago. I miss my mom as an individual, and for that aspect, she cannot be replaced. But I also miss having a matriarch. I ended up with a therapist who is about 80. She's a phenominal therapist and gives great advice. Her personality is nothing like my mom's and it's not a maternal relationship. But it fills a need, just as PP's older friends fill her need.

I just wanted to separate this because it might help you a bit in recovering one part of your loss. Obviously, not the main one, but one that is important.

Hugs to you, OP

Anonymous wrote:The title says it all. I miss her so much. She died at 86, I'm 50. She's been gone 2 years. I didn't appreciate her enough or show her enough love while she was alive. There is so much I wish I could tell her. For some reason the pain of missing her gets worse with time.

Me too. But my daughter just did an English project and really dedicated part of it about my Mom, her Nana, and I thought my Mom is still working her magic and we still 4 years later remember, miss, and think about her.
Hugs! I didn’t appreciate her enough too but she knew I loved her, and I knew she loved me. That’s what you need to remember that circle loop of love

When I talked w/staff at my parent's assisted living, and later nursing facility, many of the staff were personally benefiting from a close personal connection to the older folks. Most wanted to talk about elder relatives who had passed and had been important to them. Working there was fulfilling a need for them, beyond salary (and thank goodness for that)

I lost my mom 14 years ago when I was in my mid 50s. I miss her every single day. I now live in an over 55 community as I enjoy retirement and I have found that having some good friends here who are in their 80s and 90s has helped me miss her just a tiny bit less.

Anonymous wrote:The title says it all. I miss her so much. She died at 86, I'm 50. She's been gone 2 years. I didn't appreciate her enough or show her enough love while she was alive. There is so much I wish I could tell her. For some reason the pain of missing her gets worse with time.

I'm sorry. I am 50, my mom is 84, and she hasn't known who I am for several years. But even before dementia stole her, our love languages never meshed. She never *felt* truly loved by me, but that wasn't something I could control short of being a completely different person than who I am.

She also always had this brain worm that because I was adopted I didn't think she was my "real" mom.

Anyway, including mothers-in-law I've had 5 moms in my life, and there is still some part of me that just wants my mama, and that person just doesn't exist and never really has. There is no one that I can, say, go to for a hug and be told that things will be ok. It sucks, but I've just had to come to terms with it.

My mom lost her mom in her early 40s, and I know she felt that loss deeply for the rest of her life. In her 50s she started a relationship with a mentor who basically became a second mom to her, but it never fully filled that gap.

Grief stays with us; the shape of it may change over the years but in some factor it will always be there. Be gentle with yourself, try not to beat yourself up for how past you navigated your relationship. Age will always give us different perspectives on those we love-- honor the appreciation and love you continue to feel for your mom.

Maybe you could try journaling the things you wish you could share with your mom?

*hugs to you*

I have always taken comfort in those studies that show that maternal cells are carried by their children for the rest of their lives. You carry you mom with you in your body, OP. She is with you all the time.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ to you. It is so hard.

This made me cry. Sending you lots of love OP.

She is with her mother now. You would want that happiness for her.

Hugs OP. I lost my mom 5 years ago and I still miss her every day.

Hospice runs several grief classes and support groups - my spouse found it very helpful in working through his moms death

I'm sorry that you're having a tough time.

I'm a mom and even when my kids aren't telling me they appreciate me or acknowledge their love for me, I know that they do. Your mom knows that you loved and appreciated her, without you having to say it. Please don't beat yourself up over that.

You actually have a gift, the gift of having had an amazing relationship with your mom. She must have been a very special woman.

Hugs to you.

I am sure she knew you loved her. Think of some of the happy, special moments you shared.

I know that can be painful, but she had those too. Think of how your achievements and milestones enhanced her life. That is what a mother lives for.

Her time is done, and she would want you to enjoy the time you have.

Not saying not to miss her. That comes with all love, when the person is not with us. But know that you were the daughter she loved, just as you are. That is enough.

Me, too, OP.
I also recognize that, as time passes since her death, her negative traits have receded and her positive traits have increased, but that’s ok (I hope the same is true when eventually my kids are remembering me!). Anyway, I miss my mom, too. Part of her legacy, I guess. I believe in the idea that people live on in the memories of the people who love them so I try to embrace that missing her is a manifestation of that.

The title says it all. I miss her so much. She died at 86, I'm 50. She's been gone 2 years. I didn't appreciate her enough or show her enough love while she was alive. There is so much I wish I could tell her. For some reason the pain of missing her gets worse with time.