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[quote=Anonymous]If she's demanded specific accommodations in your house (via MIL), both you and DH should respond that you cannot provide what she wants, and she would be more comfortable at a hotel. Your DH needs to inform his family that 1. SIL needs to communicate directly with you about her plans if she plans to visit, 2. people should visit only when invited, and 3. your home is not a resort, and that while staying there, they need to accommodate your family's needs and plans, not the other way around - if they need private space, they can stay at a hotel.

I cannot even imagine visiting a relative uninvited, making someone give up their beach trip, or taking over their common space for my remote seminar! The parents and SIL sound extremely codependent, with them filling in for her social deficits and unable to say no to her. You can't change that dynamic, but you can set boundaries for your home and family. Your DH needs to be on the same page with you. I'm sure he is used to all this having grown up in this family, but needs to understand that bringing uninvited guests/assuming you are invited, refusing to communicate directly, and commandeering the common areas of your host's house is not normal or polite behavior, and while you want a good relationship with his family, you are done putting up with their rudeness. [/quote]

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