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[quote=Anonymous]First off, congratulations on your husband's retirement!  That is a big accomplishment.  Also, congratulations on your daughter's graduation - a true milestone.

Now about your SIL.  It sounds as though she is viewed as a "package deal" by your IL's and possibly by your husband, too.  She feels obligated to attend these events because her mom (your MIL) expects her to.  It doesn't sound as though SIL enjoys tagging along but does so to stay in your MIL's good graces.  It is hard for a single woman who lives alone to adjust/adapt to a houseful of kids so she needs her "alone time" which is something you likely never get, yourself, and which makes her seem like a prima-donna who is trying to control your house.

You, in the meantime, have the chore of cleaning and getting your house rearranged and readied for guests, meal planning, excursions, etc while riding herd on 5 kids.  You bend over backwards for your ILs trying to be a good host but wind up feeling used and resentful because they really don't seem to appreciate your efforts.

As far as how to avoid this in the future my suggestion would be to book hotel rooms.  Your in-laws can pay for their own and your SIL can either room with them or get her own hotel room or just not come at all - her choice.  You can meet up at restaurants and for the planned events.  Tell them that your house has a plumbing issue or a flea infestation or mice - whatever you need to.  Once you break the cycle of SIL begrudgingly tagging along to your house, I think it will be easier for her to bow out of future events w/o falling out of her mom's good graces.

Or your husband can talk to his parents and let them know that your house is too full to be able to host SIL her own private space. Maybe she can attend the event via Zoom?

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