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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom does this with me and the woman who has been her best friend for the last 50+ years.  She’s a sweet peach to everyone else but can be the worst human being to us.  We’re closer to her than anyone so I think she feels safe taking her nastiness out on us.  She’ll even complain about us to other people who she chooses to be nice to.  It’s absolutely the most thankless job (taking care of a nasty, mean parent) but a necessary one.[/quote]

Yes! This!  I am new to this, so I am not sure where to start,  I have heard (what you mentioned) that the dementia patient "feels safe" around certain people, so they become the subject the patient's anger.  The nastiness is brutal, however.  It seems so calculated, but I have to get over myself and see it from the parent side. [/quote]

OP here.  I think the problem that I am having is that the parent seems to know full well what they are doing.  Again, I know I should not make it about me. [/quote]

Not making excuses for the old person but just because they know they are doing it doesn’t mean they can control it, if that makes sense.  Dementia and cognitive decline do a number on people.  My mom is now just getting to the point where “she can’t prove it but thinks people are stealing from her”.  The brain doesn’t work like it used to.[/quote]

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