Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mom does this with me and the woman who has been her best friend for the last 50+ years. She’s a sweet peach to everyone else but can be the worst human being to us. We’re closer to her than anyone so I think she feels safe taking her nastiness out on us. She’ll even complain about us to other people who she chooses to be nice to. It’s absolutely the most thankless job (taking care of a nasty, mean parent) but a necessary one.
Yes! This! I am new to this, so I am not sure where to start, I have heard (what you mentioned) that the dementia patient "feels safe" around certain people, so they become the subject the patient's anger. The nastiness is brutal, however. It seems so calculated, but I have to get over myself and see it from the parent side.
OP here. I think the problem that I am having is that the parent seems to know full well what they are doing. Again, I know I should not make it about me.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mom does this with me and the woman who has been her best friend for the last 50+ years. She’s a sweet peach to everyone else but can be the worst human being to us. We’re closer to her than anyone so I think she feels safe taking her nastiness out on us. She’ll even complain about us to other people who she chooses to be nice to. It’s absolutely the most thankless job (taking care of a nasty, mean parent) but a necessary one.
Yes! This! I am new to this, so I am not sure where to start, I have heard (what you mentioned) that the dementia patient "feels safe" around certain people, so they become the subject the patient's anger. The nastiness is brutal, however. It seems so calculated, but I have to get over myself and see it from the parent side.
Anonymous wrote:My mom does this with me and the woman who has been her best friend for the last 50+ years. She’s a sweet peach to everyone else but can be the worst human being to us. We’re closer to her than anyone so I think she feels safe taking her nastiness out on us. She’ll even complain about us to other people who she chooses to be nice to. It’s absolutely the most thankless job (taking care of a nasty, mean parent) but a necessary one.
Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is often more symptomatic with certain people, and certain things can be triggers--people shes known a long time, people who are more excitable (kids), etc. It's very common. I recommend glancing through this book: https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Behavior-Change-Dementia-Caregivers/dp/0692385444
Because in my experience the behavior changes are subtle and start years before acute memory loss. A neurologist friend recommended this book and I felt like "Finally! The gaslighting is over."
I am sorry this is happening to you.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your situation, op?
The person is a little aggressive toward certain people.
one of your parents is aggressive towards the other? If so, it might not be dementia. Maybe they are fed up and finally showing it.
No, at family gatherings, a parent tends to be aggressive towards immediate family members (plural) that they see often, but not every week. The parent has never had a great disposition, but what once was merely snark, has escalated in their older years. The family members do not engage, but the aggression is becoming more obvious.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your situation, op?
The person is a little aggressive toward certain people.
one of your parents is aggressive towards the other? If so, it might not be dementia. Maybe they are fed up and finally showing it.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your situation, op?
The person is a little aggressive toward certain people.
Anonymous wrote:What is your situation, op?