Reply to Anyone else scapegoat child of narcissitic parent w/golden child uninterested in care?

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[quote=Anonymous]The title says it all, if that is/was you, how did you make it work? Or do I make peace with that not being possible, and if so how?

The grappling for control by the narcissist is recently manifesting in things such as taking me off paperwork to communicate with HHA and the like. Golden child says she is spending too much of "his money" and that we should let her drive because "this is taking too long, I don't care if she kills herself and takes someone else out with her." GC is not a very nice person. GC is also POA and sole trustee of all assets of a non-probate trust. I have a SN child and could use 1/2 of any money that may be left after HHA, etc, but writing is on the wall there. Narcissists love to triangulate and keep the conflict going, why stop at death, right?

I got sucked back in during a recent extended crisis but the level of chaos, verbal abuse and trashing me to others is intense, and familiar. Ready to go no or very low contact but the feelings of being scapegoated and now, literally "erased" are painful and it is hard to turn off caring about the wellbeing of someone so vulnerable when someone with a history of cruelty is in charge. That is who she picked. I think it also triggers how vulnerable I felt as a child, ignored or blamed for everything, vulnerability for anyone is tough for me and I feel protective.

I get how unhealthy and co-dependent it is to want to do more to get recognition or peace and how that is not going to happen, but some oversight of a frail elderly person seems needed as a reality?

A friend suggested a NAMI family group for kids of those with personality disorders, if anyone has experience with that or other resources to help me cope, I'd be grateful. When she said that she was erasing me from the paperwork it triggered a lot of repressed feelings about being the scapegoat or erased/ignored/given the silent treatment for long periods even as a little kid. The silver lining of all this is maybe that it gives me a chance to do some processing, I don't know.

How to handle the practicalities? This is an elderly person who is mean to intimates but loves say hugs from strangers in the grocery store, there is genuine vulnerability to predatory people. No one is on her accounts to see an issue flagged, GC took himself off, said he wanted no part of the crazy train. When someone can't admit they are wrong, aging or may need help and who responds with rage to the very idea what do more responsible people do? And if the answer is nothing, now to make peace with any fallout? 
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