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[quote=Anonymous]Hi, DCUM.
Could use some advice / perspective on my situation. 
Background...
Parents are in their upper 70s. They haven't had a super-loving relationship for quite some time, more staying together due to inertia and convenience. For their retirement, Dad basically got exactly what he wanted: they live in a big house in the exburbs on a golf course. He gets to play golf all the time and has made social connections that way. Mom has never liked golf, is not near any other interests or activities, and has zero social outlets.

As they age, their personalities and traits are getting more and more pronounced. Dad is heading is a much more extreme ideology in terms of politics, people, lifestyle, etc, and Mom is moving in the opposite direction. Dad has always had the more assertive / dominating presence, and Mom has a definite doormat/ martyr thing. At this point they literally have zero common interests at all. Mom does not feel she can have any conversation with Dad, because his viewpoints are so strident, that he's not willing to "agree to disagree". So, she is completely, utterly isolated. She is also not as physically healthy as Dad, which furthers her isolation, and leave her stuck in a house with a person she can't interact with.

I visit as much as I can and take Mom out to do stuff, but ultimately, she is miserable. Dad is by nature self-centered, so he is partially oblivious and partially doesn't care, because as far as he's concerned, everything is great. Dad is also a high-functioning alcoholic. He never drives while intoxicated--he doesn't have to, since everything he wants is right there, so I don't have that concern, but basically he gets home late morning from golf, and proceeds to drink vodka non-stop while watching golf on tv or YouTube videos.

My mom is displaying deeper and deeper levels of clinical depression (yes, she is taking medication) and is sounding increasingly desperate when we are able to talk one-on-one. I honestly think at this point that the best thing would be for her to get a studio apartment in a continuing care community. She would be away from toxic Dad, could begin to have her own life, interests, meet people. She is perfectly okay for independent living now, but she is more frail and will ultimately need more care, so getting her set up now in continuing care would make those inevitable transitions easier. I figure they don't have to get a divorce (I think they would both balk at that) but I don't see any reason for them to continue to live together, and lots of advantages to setting each of them up with the situation that suits them.

Thoughts?
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