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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP - Have you had your Dad evaluated for medication to reduce his anxiety and more aggressive behaviors.  This is key to help him have less stress and to reduce the impact on your mother.  If your mother is able, does she go out to see friends or simply to do things she might still enjoy such as getting her hair done, going to the library to read in  peace and quiet,  Going to a church service.  If she might give this a try, maybe see if you could contact a close friend to 
Call and make arrangements and a gift certificate for two to lunch out (given to the friend who will pickup mom) will be a welcome gift for her.

The other aspect is that perhaps finding a paid companion to take your mom out once a week might help her mental outlook, too.  If she is able to drive, encourage her to join a senior group of some sort to keep up her social connections and a life balance. [/quote]

Having lived this I can say IMO these are great suggestions early on before things get bad when you sense life is changing. At this point though IMO it's putting a pandaid on a massive infected wound that will get worse. Meds are great and they manage aggression...for a while until he stops taking them and refuses and and an aide cannot push it. Getting out with friends is wonderful for mental health when you are starting to slip. When you are emotionally beaten to a pulp, getting out every day isn't going to suddenly pep mom up for very long. You need a sustainable solution. He needs to be in the proper setting where they make sure meds are taken and they are trained to manage the behavior. It's a lot easier for mom to just visit him in a commons area with witnesses and if he becomes difficult she quickly leaves.

Also, even if he agrees to stay on meds, meds need to adapted quite a bit as brain deterioration happens. Do you really want mom to be unsafe until you get the right dosage or med when the current regimen doesn't work? There are quite a few cases where someone with dementia beats the spouse or even kills the spouse. [/quote]

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