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[quote=Anonymous]1) your mom could have early dementia, but more likely a form of abused spouse syndrome. My Mom was mentally and physically abusing my Dad. Took him 1.5 years to tell me about it and only because it was taking a toll on his health. And he was starting to worry about her getting violent enough to take his life. I noticed with my Dad that he would downplay what was going on. The denial is a survival mechanism.

2) Your Dad will be agitated no matter what. Right now the care giver is an easy target for his anger. But if the care giver stopped showing up, he'd find something else to rant about. Don't do things based on his reaction. It's whack-a-mole, because their reaction is always changing. 
(My mom would rant about the care givers we had because my Dad was deteriorating. But usually only rant to me. But when they were around, she was so lovely with them and called them "friends". When they weren't around, she's tell me that she missed her friend. But then secretly call me when they were there to complain about them)

3) Your dad is no longer the dad you knew. Don't make decisions based on the person he used to be. Make decisions based on who he is now. 
It helped me to think of my Mom like a toddler. It helped me to see that my Mom no longer had the ability to make larger life decision. Like my toddler can choose between eating a banana, blueberries or nothing. He does not get to choose whether or not he goes to day care. Of course he would love to be at home with us everyday all the time, but that wasn't feasible. So my job was to find a day care that was safe and met his needs.

Dementia is a horrible disease that impacts the family so much. Don't sacrifice your health (physical and mental) or your Mom's to try to fix your Dad. It's like a life guard, they will swim out to try to save you, but if you start to endanger their life, they will push you away. 
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