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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you didn't mention this issue but your bpd spouse will likely turn his attention to trying to destroy you through your children. I'm trying to think of how best to prepare them for this situation, and perhaps the best way is to recruit some third party adult to be in their lives now, to start building trust with them -- optimally someone who is neutral but has at least met both you and your spouse.  A neighbor? A coach?  Somehow they are going to need someone to turn to to sort through the lies and tricks that your (ex) spouse will bombard them with.

Simply getting divorced does not solve the problem.  My dad and mom divorced when I was five, but he was so endlessly vicious that the crazy-making lying and cruelty hadn't stopped even 10 years later.  If you think your lawyer has a hard time seeing through his charming seductive facade, imagine how completely taken in by it your kids will be.  It won't matter that you take the high road, and it won't matter that his behavior is audacious.  They won't have perspective, so they need some neutral person in their lives to provide that to them over the long run. [/quote]

Going through this myself right now and ex is the same. The kids do see through it a bit but are so needy. The dumping of chaos into our lives whenever the kids start to do better and be less meeting of ex's emotional needs is so cruel. I'd welcome any other advice. The constant lying is even remarked on by the 3 year old. So sad.[/quote]

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