Reply to ADHD daughter making the entire family late in the morning and I cannot stop losing it on her

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[quote=Anonymous]Op here. I should have added - we follow the same routine every single day down to about the minute with many cushions of time built into the schedule.

7:30-7:45 wake-up and use the bathroom 
7:50-8:40 breakfast (plenty of time for her to focus and eat)
8:40-8:50 bathroom (pooping time and brushing teeth)
8:50-9:00 get dressed and hair combed (clothes are laid out for her) 
9:00-9:10 get shoes and socks and coat on (all laid out for her)
9:10-9:15 walk out the door (we get her lunch and backpack, she just has to walk to the car)

We have a visual schedule for her. We have used sand timers and phone timers since she was in preschool. She hates them and throws the sand timers or flips them. Phone timers she ignores or just asks for more time when they run out. Or she gets upset and starts crying “no timer no timer!” When we put it out and it becomes a fight/distraction and not a tool.

She’s in weekly therapy and the therapist is working on listening and following directions.

I am ADHD myself and have had to figure out how to survive with no diagnosis til I was 33 and no medication. My mom gave up on me when I was young and just let me nearly miss the bus most days. She didn’t ever break tasks down or help me move from one activity to the other.

Our mornings are not us just yelling at yer. They are a series of us kindly saying, Larla, it’s time to get out of bed. Larla, please go use the bathroom and wash your hands, Larla,
Please go to your room and take your Pajamas off and put on your clothes. We walk with her through every activity. We give warnings repeatedly for everything - you have 5 minutes left to finish breakfast, you have 2 minutes left for breakfast, ok now breakfast is over and it’s time to go to the bathroom. She is only left alone to poop and if she skin picks when the door is closed the door is then left open, she loses her privacy, and we cover her wounds with bandaids so she can’t pick them.

She doesn’t care about rules. It does not matter if we say, no toys at the the table or in the car. She has no respect for what we tell her to do if it opposes what she wants. If we take away privileges as a punishment she just screams and flips out and has an epic meltdown that can take 20 minutes to get her to reset.

She doesn’t get out of bed often in the mornings because she doesn’t want to. She had an appropriate bedtime. She often takes 30-45 minutes or more to fall asleep. If we give her melatonin she has emotional outbursts the next day so we don’t use it anymore.

We aren’t just some a home parents screaming at our kids. We are providing extensive scaffolding, support, etc. and she just won’t comply. If we move her through activities she doesn’t want to do she hurts is because she’s 45 pounds now and big enough to do damage. [/quote]

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