Reply to Happy Valentine’s Day teen anecdote - I hope it uplifts some of you too

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think I have mixed feelings about this. My daughter was on the receiving end of a very public valentines request and she say no- because she wasn’t interested. She was kind and polite but it was a firm not interested. The boy was not autistic but I guess he is now being a big jerk behind her back. I don’t like the public one-sided displayed because they seem full of pressure. My daughter has never really spoken to this boy and his friends were pushing him along and then got really mean when she did not return the interest.[/quote]

Everyone agreed that it was okay for the girl to say no. Nobody is shaming the girl for saying no.[/quote]

If you were a 14 year old girl, and people were publicizing a poster that says "She should have said yes" and "You can do getter than her", and the whole cafeteria was cheering them on, and it went viral, you wouldn't have felt embarrassed?

Yes, his mother said she wasn't upset that she said no.  But his mother isn't "everyone" especially in the eyes of a teenage girl.

There are plenty of ways that classmates could have made him feel included, that weren't so public.  [/quote]

But this is the way they chose to respond and the boy was thrilled. Plus, it helped to reinforce positive sense of inclusive  community  … They  may well do other less public things to make him feel included as well but subtlety is not a strong suit for most youth on ASD.

We constantly highlight all the stuff teens and tweens are doing wrong or struggling with - it is good to be honest but it is also good to celebrate kindness and collective wins.

You are right to be sensitive to the girl who said no. That was her right and it must have felt super awkward. It is easier to be kind and inclusive when it is a shared community value and action. [/quote]

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